I have said it all to many times before

I have yet to say that I have found a plan and that it will work. I am sorry that I have said goodbye to many times and then not actually do anything about it, I am such a “wuss”. I feel like I can’t ever follow through with things and that I can’t seem to get it together these days..

• NO I am not selfish for wanting to die
• NO I am not trying to get attention or trying to get people to feel sorry for me because I am “sick”
• I am always going to be broken, I can’t seem to get fixed
• No one is going to see that I am hurting because it will be to late
• Question is, will I ever be able to do it?
• I want to die yet it seems that I never will be able to with my own hands.
• I say goodbye to many times and yet it all seems so annoying (No one wants some “suicidal freak”)

What is wrong with me? How come I can’t ever do what I want for myself?  Suicide date: May 11th 2015

I have tried all to many times and yet its like I can never get myself to do it. I am going to be counting down the days. No one seems to see that I am hurting so badly that I want to take my own life. Well, Here’s to the good and the bad days my friends <3 I am going to stay clean from cutting the best I can, I will end it all soon. I am going to say goodbye on my terms. I don’t need to stay for others, I am not selfish for doing what I want. Not that anyone seems to care about what I have to say, I feel that I should still be able to voice what it is  that sits on my shoulders every day while I walk around pretending it’s “okay”  I will write my final goodbyes as  the day gets closer <3 XO Falling_Soup