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by SimpleZero

Today I found out that one of my kidneys has failed and that the other has deteriorated severely. I am told I need a donor or else I will die.

It dawned on me that I’m not sure I want one. Every day I consider suicide and sometimes I come close.
Twice I have made serious attempts that failed.

I do not want to waste a donor kidney that could be given to someone else when I will one day waste it almost certainly. I am quite positive one day I will kill myself because one day I will lose the fight again and then I might not fail. What if someone dies because they didn’t get a kidney and I did?

Im considering taking it because I do want to get better mentally too, I guess i’m just pessimistic of my chances and realistic of my current situation. I don’t know what to do.

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Pretend Girl 2/19/2015 - 9:59 pm

((((SimpleZero)))) I hear you. How hard it is to want to save yourself. I struggle too. I think, what is my life worth in the state (of mind) I am in? But what I am learning is we have to stand up for ourselves. We have to come to realize how important we are for ourselves, not just for the life we want that we don’t have.

I advise take the assistance you will receive from a new kidney. Think of this-

What would happen if that kidney (that you’d receive) went to no one because you, the recipient that matches does not take it?

Quoting you:
“Im considering taking it because I do want to get better mentally too, I guess i’m just pessimistic of my chances and realistic of my current situation. I don’t know what to do.”

We know ourselves inside and out and that can lead us to conclusions that aren’t necessary true. That pessimism and assessing your current situation in negative terms sinks you courage. Don’t judge your tomorrow on the problems and worries of today. Tomorrow brings new opportunities and insights.

So, go with your first thought (of this quote): You do want to take the kidney and you do want to get better mentally. This thought can be the grass root to a better future!

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