Today I found out that one of my kidneys has failed and that the other has deteriorated severely. I am told I need a donor or else I will die.
It dawned on me that I’m not sure I want one. Every day I consider suicide and sometimes I come close.
Twice I have made serious attempts that failed.
I do not want to waste a donor kidney that could be given to someone else when I will one day waste it almost certainly. I am quite positive one day I will kill myself because one day I will lose the fight again and then I might not fail. What if someone dies because they didn’t get a kidney and I did?
Im considering taking it because I do want to get better mentally too, I guess i’m just pessimistic of my chances and realistic of my current situation. I don’t know what to do.