I’m incapable?

I think I’m going down a dark path again…………..Just when things seemed like they were gonna get better…..F***!!!…..this always happens. One problem ends and then another arises, one problem ends and then another arises!. It’s an endless cycle. I wish I could know that things were gonna get better but I just can’t see it. All I see are the 4 walls and the ceiling of my apartment everyday; nothing else besides that and school; which is barely any different. I just want something to change. The only time that I really get to truly enjoy myself is when I’m at lunch with these five other people. We talk and laugh about all kinds of things but I don’t know what they are to me. Anyone who’s reading this would be like “well those are your friends….duh!!!” But the truth is;….I don’t know what a real friend is. To be honest I’ve never actually had a friend…..just temporary allies thanks to my dad who never stayed in one house for more than 2 or maybe 3 years at most. So everyone I ever got to know……or anyone who I ever thought I was becoming friends with at school disappeared from my life. I couldn’t even make friendships with kids outside of my school thanks to my dad; he scares away all our neighbors. I’ve never established a true friendship with anyone before. I mean there’s a saying that says friends come and go but is it really that quick? I wish I could believe that it were different but I guess I believe that friends (or allies) come and go (5 times faster than than all the other friends people make). I guess I lost a sense of trust back in those days and I guess that isn’t much of a surprise considering the fact that I couldn’t even trust my own father. I began isolating myself from everyone….even my so called “Family”.  So I grew used to being alone and I started to shut myself away from all possible friendships and even close relationships (recently)……it led me to a deep depression. Years of guilt, sadness, and frustration soon devoured my teenage years. I never got to enjoy my teenage years thanks to this problem. And now I’m 18 and a senior in high school. Just recently I’ve started to make “friends” again or otherwise known as those people who sit at my table. But I don’t know how to feel about them. I’m about to graduate from high school and I’m off to college soon. Will they too disappear from my life just like all the other people I got to know in my life? I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. I feel like I’m molded to this way of life…… it almost feels acceptable to me now; as if I know that I could never make a friend. I feel like the universe has already created a plan for my life and the plan involves me being isolated from relationships with people due to unfortunate events that I cannot control. Must I just move on and forget these people too…..I’ve been doing this all along. Am I not capable of making one friend?