is it worth it?

I’m new here everyone. I came upon this site because I was just messing around on Google searching suicide stuff and now here I am. Well first off I wanted to post a little insight on what I should with what situation I’m in right now. I live in Oklahoma, I was born in New Mexico but I moved back and forth until my mom decided that we should move here for financial reasons and because she didn’t want me going to middle school in New Mexico because of the bad influences. Anyways, I’m only 15 and I would say I have had a tough life but not near as bad as some people on here but I have my scars. Well I grew up in New Mexico where my dad used to beat my mom while I watched. My grandma lives here in Oklahoma so that’s why we would always visit. Anyways my dad and mom broke up (my dad sells crack now and also does it) I go and see him every now and then when I’m in New mexico. Which is about twice a year. Either he has been up for like 3 days straight or asleep for like 3 days straight. Probably from the crack. I’ve had conversations with him and he knows exactly what he is and how much of a bad father he is. He had been in prison 2 times for beating his girlfriend. One of which was my mom. I love my mom so much I can’t imagine what life would be like without her. I can’t even stand the thought. Well back the the story, while I was growing up in New Mexico there was this girl I “dated” when I was like 10 and and everything then I broke up with her when I had to move down here in Oklahoma. Didn’t think nothing of it (she was my first kiss). Well now I live in Oklahoma and well a few years passed and I remembered her. And I messaged her on Facebook and had friendly conversations with her every now and then. I would also see her everytime I went back to visit. But what really got my attention was when I realized that she might have been the one. So I flirted with her all the time on Facebook and I think she might of caught on because she kept trying to lead me to other girls saying I should try to find a girlfriend over here. And I told her I can’t, that she is the one I want and she said that she doesn’t have feelings for me and I should get over her, and that we live too far away to have a relationship (this is about a year after we first started talking). I didn’t want to give up on her because I knew she was the one and well after a year of hard work she started messaging me first and always wanting to talk to me. One day I said I love you (to me its a strong word). And she said that she was waiting for me to say it and she said she loved me back. I was so happy. She is a virgin too and she said that she will wait for me to move back over there when i move over there when I get out of high school in 4 years. That’s my love life pretty much but that’s not the point to my story the point is I think my whole life I’ve been battling depression and it only hit me until after puberty. Waiting this long to see my girl on top of the fact that life has been very sad and every time I get home from school everyone argues and there is always yelling going on in the house. I don’t have any friends here in Oklahoma really. I’ve been thinking about suicide. And if happiness is the girl I love but I can’t see her till 4 years if not more. And I don’t even know if she would be willing to wait that long for me. Why live. I don’t know. It sounds like I have no reason to really kill myself. But the feelings run deeper than this huge ass story. Just let me know what you think I should do about it. And if you think she is worth the wait. We both smoke weed together I think its cute  she is the most special girl to me in the whole world!