Hi Everyone!, It’s been 4 weeks since they told me I have leukemia, It’s been hard without my mom I don’t know where she is and my grandma don’t give a damn about me, so they send me to this shelter actually It’s a hospital for kid haha The doctors are taking care of me and if I survived I’ll spend the rest of my life paying MedInsurance hahah.
So hmm, I don’t know if i’m getting better or worse, but I’m sure of something. I’m fighting and giving the best of me.. and If I make it I would be proud.
The hard part here.. those suicidal thoughts again. It’s funny because I know I have like a 0% chance to live and I’m thinking about killing myself? Isn’t that ironic?
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7 comments
Yes, keep fighting.
helenabeat ,
sorry about the bad news 🙁 keep fighting! but let me tell you something, dying is wonderful, that’s what’s ironic, people think the opposite? you see when you die you are finally at peace, just like before you were born! never had a bad day then did you! when you go to sleep your happy, when you wake up it’s back to the struggle, if you like to play the survival game then I guess it keeps you occupied, everyone dies, doesn’t matter how long you live, once you die your back to being a part of the universe, no more pain no more worries, that’s natures way of being back to the big picture.
That’s ironic for me! Because everybody is so afraid but I have my theory, just like all of us. And i’m not afraid I just think It’s weird how life teaches us, I mean I tried to commit suicide 4 times and I’m getting what I want, you know what I mean? Why do we suffer? Why it is so hard? I’m sorry i’ve been like this lately, like so annoying with this things
We all die, its just a matter of when. I personally don’t believe in “nothingness” just based on the science we have seen thus far and the nature/construct of the universe. Also, even though theres a lot of phonies, I believe a good portion of the NDE literature/stories (like nderf.org).
Your bravery is admirable. Your thoughts are not surprising in the least. Life has sucked for me for 20 years, but I’m strong from it. In truth, I doubt I will last forever myself, but I’m proud of how much I’ve endured also.
Keep on keeping on. The universe is too perfect to limit existence to just a one time around anyway. I refuse to believe the universe is so poorly created to created intelligence and desires to keep living, then deprive people of the chance to come back or exist for as long as they wish in many, many lives. I think you get choices.
Death, to me, is not all that bad. We all die. I believe we all keep existing if we wish, for as long as we want.
Keep on keepin on.
(one of my favorite quotes from Einstein !) and he is completely right. People like him know the truth behind the universe)
After the death of his old friend, Albert Einstein said “Now Besso has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us … know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”
-Death doesn’t exist in a timeless, spaceless world. Immortality doesn’t mean a perpetual existence in time, but resides outside of time altogether.
helenabeat,
Well……………… It’s not the answer anyone wants to hear, we are not special, we are a species, like a dinosaur or a chicken or a cock roach yuck! we all have a few things in common, one we all must die we “wear out” two we are predators, from the first moment we took our first breath are instinct is to survive, that means kill other living weaker creatures in order to consume them so we may exist, the times dictate just how we think, really the times are pretty good right now, through out history we killed and stolen from each other, our minds are incredible! we make up all kinds of things to justify our actions, to make us feel better, to separate other human beings or creatures, to in fact fool ourselves , that we are better than any other race or life form, we make up gods! these gods say it’s ok to kill to survive! but the truth is we are just predators , human beings are the top of the food change, we evolved and have brains, we can raise and kill other living creatures because that’s why were here, that’s why there here! for us! ha ha! we rose from the slime and the muck into a life form that’s has incredible power over others and living things, ok I could go on for years about that, back to the point, we suffer because were suppose to, life is hard because it’s suppose to be, I hate what I am, and I feel sorry for the others, I know one thing once we die then we can be at peace, no more fighting and killing , death will bring you back, become a part of the big picture, no body wants to think like that, that’s why we make up crap to exist, we have the capability to imagine love, love means something different to every human being, I’m telling you it isn’t easy to explain, while were alive we are living in a dream world, we do live and learn, but it’s all for nothing, meaningless, we will always just be predators, one day we will disappear. but! while we are here lets try to enjoy what we have, we have no choice, other than death. death is the answer to leave this place and undo what we are, boy I am really rambling! maybe we can talk again, it seems so complicated but it’s not, we make it complicated in order to exist. hey! in the mean time forget what I said and make a friend go dancing. 🙂
Sorry for the bad news 🙁
Maybe I would think the same as you do if I were you. But commit suicide means giving up. Don’t give up and keep fighting! Think some beautiful things from this world that you wanting to see, it doesn’t mean only scenery nor views but it also could mean the beautiful smile of someone you love. Think that some people that loves you will be sad if you give up. Don’t give up 🙂