i live in a state of terror praying people away feeling like they are going to smash thru and take from me what they want. i clench my teeth at night. i hear things no one should have to hear. i gave up on god long ago yet god never lets up on me except to remind me hes not going to do anything to help me. i go thru a fog with my head bent terrified to be seen lest they attack me or kill me or rape me or burn me alive for being on disability, i only deserve to suffer. i am treated like shit by everyone for the sin of being kind and i know this. i hang on by a thin thread waiting for the man online to pay attention to me. i am trapped in snow w/o a car feeling the imminent onslaught of insanity. i am left alone to rot in this jail cell while he lives on and on yet what is his life a lie told for evil for evil’s sake same as hers both so sad as to be unbelievable. i look back only at cruelty knowing all they tell you is a lie, that suffering can be too agonizing to be relieved. no matter what they say. he took everything, and his voice never switches off, no symptom really does. i want to go home.
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I bet you heard this like a million times, but you need to work out more dude, it gives more self confidence.
Fear itself is not a Weakness, but being controled by it is. And the worst par is if what you where imagining would happen, fear would just completely stop you from escaping.
How to break free: Imagine your fear in front of you an repeat ,,I AM NOT AFRAID”, or ,,I AM STRONGER THAN YOU” till you start believing in these words. Shouting them helps more. Step 2) learn and practice self defence.step 3) running. ,,the one that runs away can fight another day”
I get what you say. Whenever i think about people in general or the future i just get terrified. Even something as simple as going out to get groceries makes me fearful, if i didn’t have earphones and poor peripheral vision i couldn’t endure even going out of the house. I too have a mental tormentor, that did so much damage (in par without knowing it, so i had to forgive) that i can’t get through a day without hearing their words or seeing their face. I made a cell for myself here, rotting away while my tormentor has an amazing life. I have no answers to your situation or i guess i would have used them on me already, but i just wanted to say that even in part, someone knows what you’re going through. I don’t believe in miracles anymore but if they do happen i hope one falls your way soon.
Thank you both. I need a miracle.
First thing YOU ARE THE MIRACALE.
(I would ask what kind of disability, but once i was in a fight with a man that had only one freaking leg, and still hit pretty hard, the entire fight started from a huge misunderstanding. My bad…)
The kind hearted people always suffer more, just because they are ,,pure”. It’s the same reason why mud is more visible on a white paper.
Just don’t forget that YOU ARE THE MIRACLE, just like a white stars in a black skie.
(Sorry if it sounded really gey)