We are all doomed to die sooner rather than later, why not just end it now? Seems to save the hassle of spending every day feeling nothing but loathing yourself. Saves the daily heartbreak of knowing no one could ever love you. With the pull of a trigger or a step off a building it could all end. Yet for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m that much of a coward. And its not the pain that scares me, its surviving. What could be worse than surviving such a traumatic event? The possibility of actually being able to see your family and friends’ reaction to what you did, the possibility of becoming paralyzed or brain dead but kept alive because people can’t simply let you go. These are fates worse than death in my opinion. And its all that’s preventing me from ending it all. I’m nothing but a debt slave, that can be said about anyone who goes to college nowadays though. But because I don’t really want to continue with living I’ve sunk myself deeper into the hell that is debt. I hate it knowing that no matter what I do I can never be free because someone will always be after me to bleed me dry. I hate the way the world is now, everything just seems so corrupt and fucked up. Not just the government, the police, the judicial system, but people in general. All I can see is the greed, the arrogance, the dark secrets that lie behind that fake smile, Jesus that fake smile is the worst fucking thing. Everything is just so fake. Why do we need to smile. Smiling does not actually mean we’re happy, yet if you’re not smiling something’s wrong, you’re the one who’s unfriendly or unwelcoming. Not like it matters anyway, I smile I try to be social but it does nothing. No one really wants to associate with me unless they have to, no one could ever feel romantic towards me, everyone is so wrapped up in their fake bullshit and then they get PISSED at others pulling that shit on them. Then they come to me to vent about it and I just want to tell them the truth about their hypocrisy but I won’t. I’m just always angry and depressed. I hate everything and try to make things better because I hate how it is now. But it doesn’t matter. Nothing really changes.
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Their smile only reflects how they feel at that moment. It does not necessarily mean that they are happy with their lives.
They smile because they are expected to smile. They could also be miserable, angry or just not happy yet they smile because if they don’t they are seen in a negative light. I just hate how fake it all seems. The frienemy bullshit, the unnecessary drama, hell even this site seems fake. If you notice I have chosen to not include my name age or gender, got one comment. Any post where it is inferred that the person is a girl and everyone flocks to it offering support. As if somehow the fact that the guys offering support to this sad girl somehow now have a better chance of getting with her because they’re coming from the same place or this is helping her in her time of need. Or who knows maybe that’s just me seeing shit that’s not necessarily there but it seems awfully like it. I’m just posting anything that comes to mind because i’m just so tired of the fake bullshit, of holding in how I really feel and being unable to speak my mind. I just want to be free.
Maybe people see through the anger and depression, and that makes them keep their distance (that doesn’t mean you can’t be liked, or loved tho, i believe you are wrong there). I agree with your complaints about the world and how things are, the cost of life is so high, a part of the population is really fake (some don’t even realize it)… i don’t know, it just seems so screwed up. The kicker of it is that a big part of that fake people actually believe the same things you do, but they either keep their mouth shut or are left alone (been there) because they are raining on “normal people”s parade haha.
All we can do is try our best with what we are given but even that seems futile at times… you sound like a smart person tho, so i’m guessing that you can actually find a way out of debt and make a good living for yourself (that is pretty hard nowadays tho).
My guess regarding the low reply count in your post is because you didn’t use any spaces. It was a pain to read your post, lol. People usually reply to both genders posts, and the replies vary depending on time of the day/day of the week. I’m guessing valentines is either saving some people or keeping them extra depressed so… yeah, that could be a factor too.
We’re cut from the same cloth. I feel as you do. Like what’s the point in living when you’re just going to die anyway. I’m in debt from college too. Freaking broke and living with your parents is the norm these days. I also want to off myself, but I keep procrastinating. Maybe one day we’ll find the courage to follow through…