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by perfect2bones

I just realized I never really introduced myself. I am ‘bones. A teenage girl who was born with a sense of duty. The model child. People thought I was wierd. Mature for my age. People still think that. As far as a reason for being depressed, it is mostly a control issue. My family expects and demands perfection, and controlling me is like an insurance to them. “If she doesn’t have room to mess up, she won’t. But if she still does, lets completely restrict her!” As a way of claiming something for myself, I became addicted to not eating and to over-exercising. After the two friends I had left (one moved and the other became depressed cause her mom killed herself), I became extremely withdrawn. The only two people I let in were my school counselor who shared godly advice and was a beakon of light and my boyfriend. Now that my boyfriend and I have lunch together, I can’t go spend time with my counselor. But my boyfriend is very cool. Other than the fact that right now he is in a crazy tough spot. One where he literally doesn’t want to live anymore. I don’t either, but hes really scaring me right now! And yet, he is just another puppet my parents use to control me. If they knew I cut myself or even had an account on here I wouldn’t have a boyfriend, a knife, a gun, a phone, or any freedom. This is SO stupid. I’m sorry for any mistakes in spelling or grammar or anything; I am using my phone so I can’t see much and I literally don’t feel well enough to reread this whole thing. So sorry if you read it. I literally had no point in writing it except to give y’all more background.

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Iknowthetruth 3/21/2015 - 2:32 pm

Your story is interesting in that its the controlling that should protect you from the horrors of the real world. but it just feels fake doesn’t it- I want to end my life because I feel fake and the life and world in London feels fake- theres loads that are suffering because of the behaviour of government and the banks and yet nobody gives a shit. I want to leave the country, but I cant earn enough to leave because wages have crashed. suicide feels like the right idea- but for you \if you play their game you will make it through without 1/10th the hassle other from lying families and institutions have caused. there is nothing much good about humans.

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