But you are so…..

I know exactly what you mean. I finally came up with the courage to mention my depression to my doctor a while back, and of course like I knew he would, he asked. What am I to say, yes I think about suicide almost daily. I have a plan and a means to end it. What, so he can throw me in the mental ward where I’ll get less sleep than I do now, nah I’m good. I’ll silence the voices in my head soon enough. Until then, I’m here if you need someone to talk to. I can definitely relate. And I hate that. For me, and for you and others here.

How long have you been unable to sleep? You said you take sleeping pills, do they help much? -AS

For the longest time that’s all I did was sleep, it was all I wanted to do for a while. And it was great. Now, I can’t hardly sleep but a few hours each night. Last time I had a manic phase, I didn’t sleep for almost two days straight and still worked. I just want to go to sleep tonight, and not wake up. That’s what I want most days. So if I died in my sleep, my family wouldn’t feel the agony or shame of having a son, brother or uncle who committed suicide. I won’t make it to another birthday and I’m sure not going to see my 40’s. I should have ended it in my teens during the first onset and saved myself all the pain of things to come. Well I’m off to ”try” to get some sleep, but we both know that’s probably not likely. If you manage to sleep, get some for me!