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can’t do this anymore

by lissbabe

what’s the point anymore? it’s not like anything will get better, might as well just leave the world. Being in care is starting to hurt me physically and mentally, maybe i should either take the leap to end my life or maybe i should just end up going to different care homes every year or month, i cant even handle my emotions in this home, i dont fit in i’m not appart of their family and never will be, should i just end it? Please someone help me i’m asking for your help please i’m begging

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mick9999 3/6/2015 - 9:10 am

No. Don’t end your life.

I’ll start by asking how old you are, if you’re willing to tell me.

By care homes, I’m guessing you’re referring to foster care.

I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, but I can assure you it gets better. You don’t fit in because you feel like they can’t accept you as family, but they must be sussing you out, getting to know your traits and quirks. Give it time. I have never fit in anywhere. School, work, family, friends. My look contradicts my musical tastes and lifestyle. I’ve had friends tell me randomly that I don’t fit in and will never fit in anywhere.

I knew that already, but refused to accept it. Surely I fit in somewhere, there must be a place for me. But there never was and never has been.

I do my own thing, I have a few friends, a partner, a roof over my head. I have given up on fitting in or labelling myself. Goth, punk, rocker, hipster, meat head, motor head, metal head. I am all those things and more. I’ll go to a festival or gig and I stand out like dogs balls. Especially with my tattoos, I look like a tennis player covered in tats watching metal and death metal.

I listen to old music too. Pink Floyd, the Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Queen. I’m proud of my taste and I don’t care who knows what I like. I used to.

Depending on your age, I suggest you watch Rocky Horror Picture Show and then read about the writer and creator of the film. He put his life in the show and even now he struggles with self identity. He’s a great role model for the outsider.

I had friends in care, two. One became a successful illustrator and the other a police officer. Both struggled big time growing up in different houses throughout their teenage years, but did want they could to get by.

Please try and push through, if you end your life you could be denying the world a great illustrator, police officer, author, actor, teacher, manager, athlete, singer, musician,, anything you put your mind to.

I wish you all the best.

lissbabe 3/10/2015 - 11:50 am

Thank you for your support it’s just so hard to be able to fit in and im 16, but the fact that i have to hide behind a fake person hurts and its like no one cares and i know they don’t because they tell me that they don’t which hurts the most which i guess thats why i just want to go and disappear because no one wants me and i really can’t be bothered to stay in this world anymore. it’s too hard and some people may say it’s because of my age and that it will go away but I dont have a young mind i had to look after my mother from the age of 9 till the age of 12 so i understand life much clearer then i used to which is a shame, however it don’t look like i will be staying here forever

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