can’t do this anymore

No. Don’t end your life.

I’ll start by asking how old you are, if you’re willing to tell me.

By care homes, I’m guessing you’re referring to foster care.

I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, but I can assure you it gets better. You don’t fit in because you feel like they can’t accept you as family, but they must be sussing you out, getting to know your traits and quirks. Give it time. I have never fit in anywhere. School, work, family, friends. My look contradicts my musical tastes and lifestyle. I’ve had friends tell me randomly that I don’t fit in and will never fit in anywhere.

I knew that already, but refused to accept it. Surely I fit in somewhere, there must be a place for me. But there never was and never has been.

I do my own thing, I have a few friends, a partner, a roof over my head. I have given up on fitting in or labelling myself. Goth, punk, rocker, hipster, meat head, motor head, metal head. I am all those things and more. I’ll go to a festival or gig and I stand out like dogs balls. Especially with my tattoos, I look like a tennis player covered in tats watching metal and death metal.

I listen to old music too. Pink Floyd, the Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Queen. I’m proud of my taste and I don’t care who knows what I like. I used to.

Depending on your age, I suggest you watch Rocky Horror Picture Show and then read about the writer and creator of the film. He put his life in the show and even now he struggles with self identity. He’s a great role model for the outsider.

I had friends in care, two. One became a successful illustrator and the other a police officer. Both struggled big time growing up in different houses throughout their teenage years, but did want they could to get by.

Please try and push through, if you end your life you could be denying the world a great illustrator, police officer, author, actor, teacher, manager, athlete, singer, musician,, anything you put your mind to.

I wish you all the best.