So my mum is learning to drive (yeah, kinda late). Instead of feeling proud, I can only think that she will have an accident as soon as she gets the license.
Today a plane departing from Barcelona to Germany crashed… I knew that the odds of someone that I know being in the plane were minimal, but I’ve been all the day thinking about my friends living in Germany. What if they came home this weekend and they were in the plane going back there?
What if my sister kills herself? What if I walk the dogs and they eat something poisoned? What if that person, or the other, dies?
If I say something wrong, I just can’t stop thinking that people will be laughing at me. If I do something wrong, someone will be absolutely mad at me.
That weird man who’s walking across the street will surely enter to the shop and steal. Plus, he will hurt me.
Dad could come back from the other side of the planet. He would be furious, and he would obviously hurt me. Or kill my mum.
I go to buy some bread. I need to check my purse at least ten times to be sure that I have the money: what if I go to pay and I don’t have it?
I have some meeting. I check the hour constantly. What if I’m wrong about the time and I go late? Or worse, ridiculously early?
My phone rings. I can’t take the call. I keep staring at the name in the screen thinking about the million things that could go wrong if I talk to whoever is calling.
If it’s my grandma, she will be calling to say that grandpa died. What else could she possibly have to tell me? If it’s my sister, that means mum is in hospital. Or that the house is burning, who knows. If it’s a friend, he will tell me that he doesn’t want to see me anymore. If its a client, he can only be mad for something I did wrong. If it’s a number I don’t know, it could be anything bad.
Even if is someone calling because he just want to know how I am, or tell me something good, or ask me something absolutely irrelevant, I will find the way to ruin the conversation somehow. He will end being mad, or thinking I’m ridiculous because I screwed it saying something wrong.
I’m ridiculous. Yeah, I know everybody is thinking that.