I’ll be fine, less down. going about my day, and WHAM, a sense of despair, of sadness, of desperation strong enough to metaphorically (and sometimes literally) drop me to the ground will slam into me. Just out of nowhere, the pain is so much, too much. I don’t want this anymore. Please, make it stop. If there’s a higher power, if there’s a dash of kindness in the universe, make it stop. Make me stop. Let me die. I can’t handle this. I don’t want to feel this anymore. There isn’t anywhere for me on this planet. Let me the hell off. Stop trying to save me. Let me go…
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I wish it would stop. It’s just that I don’t want it to be because of your death. I’m sorry. I know I keep trying to encourage you to keep fighting, but all I end up doing is ask you to suffer more. I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t want you to suffer anymore. I’m sorry.
Two years ago at this time, I would have been the first person to say that nothing was worth taking your life over. Except for terminal cancer, but. And now here I am, back down the rabbit hole, and the sunshine above is gone.
But you get to hang out with bunnies! Sorry, trying to make you smile…
The sunshine is still there. It’s just behind the clouds waiting for you to find your way back to the surface. You may not remember the way out. You may keep tripping over rabbit furniture (they are terrible housekeepers and don’t know the first thing about feng shui). But don’t give up. No matter how disoriented and discouraged you get, I believe you can do it. Why? Because you’re impossible_girl and I believe you can do the impossible.
I don’t understand it either, the day will be going fine then all of a sudden the bottom drops out & I don’t want to be around. All this negativity comes over me & I ask myself why; why am I here, why do I stay? If tomorrow is today? I’ve already seen today, so why stay around to see tomorrow when I’ve already seen today.
So far I’ve stayed. A couple of my friends have accused me of being selfish if I do go through with it. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know if that matters anymore. They don’t have to deal with the pain or emptiness that I have to deal with every day.
I don’t have the answer for you. If you picked your user name from the Dr Who character Clara Oswald. Well then you must be a survivor, because Clara is a survivor.