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rant then poem & art

by Stereotype

I had 4 public speaking engagements in three days, I taught a class and then went to a kick off for a charity walk.  No classes this week – spring break.  I still have a shitload of homework to do but I am about to leave for Niagara Falls to gamble for a 3 day vacation.  I am on the Deans list with honors 4 semesters in a row but I think this class I’m taking is going to drop my GPA.  So I joined a couple honor societies while I still have the GPA to be invited to these things.  I need something to put on my applications to grad schools.  I feel good sometimes now but when I drop, I drop hard.  The anxiety and nightmares are interrupting my sleep big time.  I am afraid it’s gonna flip me into a psychotic mania.  That’s the worst fear even over a psychotic depression.  Last time I went manic I got raped.  It’s bull, as if being abused in childhood wasn’t enough.  Sometimes I think I might be spawn of Satan.  Or maybe God’s punishing me for wanting to kill people and myself.

Blinding secrets swallow whole

Asking for help would be to bold

Fear grips in all my sights

No longer sleeping nights

Relief washes over in bloody tears

Slicing until it releases fears

Gaping wounds fester and ooze

Nothing can’t be cured with booze

Hazy vision blurs the eyes

Still able to see a moon rise

Stupor here and meet the Prince

Nothing that He can’t convince

Make a deal upon this coin

That our souls may be joined

This offer comes only here and now

All His powers He will endow

Sacrifice, no need to worry

Quick now He’s in a hurry

The deal is made a soul is kept

Into darkness I have crept

Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

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