So fucking sick of being treated like I can’t do a goddamned thing right. All I ever fucking do is try to make your ass happy. I’m supposed to be happy with you. You are my goddamned fiancée! The least you could fucking do is act like everything I fucking do for you is good enough. No all you ever wanna do is *****, and fuck, and drink. Make me feel like shit. It’s not like I’m not already depressed as fuck you’ve gotta tear me down every time I turn around. Tell me I’m fat, call me a *****, fucking yell at me for no goddamned fucking reason. I don’t fucking deserve to be treated this way and I can’t tell anyone else about this. At least you don’t fucking know about this site. At least you can’t fucking find me here. Again this is the only place where I can get it all out. Will this never end?
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“Will this never end?”
Everything ends eventually, we all die. As far as before that. Well we all know how common it is for abusive alcoholic assholes to just decide one day to stop being abusive alcoholic assholes right? If anything its far more likely to get worse instead.
He seems unable to deal with his issues on his own, and so he (unconsciously or intentionally) decides to take them out on you. Sadly Twilighttimes is right and there’s nothing you can do for him. He won’t be happy with you and he’ll stay unhappy without you (unless he tries to solve his problems and quit drinking). But you deserve to have happiness, so you should leave him and look after yourself. It’s better to be alone than miserable in a relationship.
Twilight-I guess you are right, eventually everything ends in death.
Opacity-I’m probably wrong but half the time I feel like I’m the reason he is this way. He quit smoking pot when we got together because he knew I didn’t want it around my daughter, and now he drinks instead, I feel like he think that it’s okay because it’s legal but honestly I think pot is the lesser of two evils. I am weak, I’ve thought about leaving him, and the minute I do he turns back into the sweet loving man I fell for and the cycle starts again. I am not stupid or blind, I can see it, I can recognize the problems, and yet I don’t leave him. There is zero physical abuse, and I know there never will be any but does that really justify the mental anguish I endure? I don’t think so and yet for some reason I have not been able to say goodbye…maybe I am just the broken one. After all…I am the one who continually feels like I have no options left…