I’ve been suffering from the disease of depression for a while- my brother had it, my mom had it, and now I have it. More than once have I contemplated my suicide- I’m worthless, unattractive, stupid, mean, unloved, and pathetic. However, I have tried and tried and tried to look for ways to do it and I always come up without an answer. Clearly for me, the best way to go is consumption of pills- there are plenty of those in my house. However, I have heard of liver failures and such, and I’m so afraid that dying will be painful. I don’t want to go painfully, I want to go quietly. I’ve been stuck for so long on ways to do it that every night when I can’t bring myself to down the bottle beside my bed, I sit down and add 20 new cuts to myself- its all that I can do to punish myself.
I just don’t know