Everyone is connected in two ways. In life, and in death. I know what you’re thinking, I’m just a loner on the other side of this screen, no one to leave behind when I die, a not-so-happy soul, when in fact, I’m the person everyone turns to when they have problems. I’m always cheery and happy and I honestly don’t think anyone can help that..My Mum says I’m the nicest person on earth. She said yesterday that she’s glad I don’t cut or have suicidal thoughts, and when I looked at the Television, which was what she was watching, I almost gasped and fell to my knees crying.
My friend had introduced me to someone a week earlier, no one particularly interesting and no one I’d want to be friends with, but I showed him kindness and helped him whenever he asked me to. Being the person I am, I was happy to help. I never complain, never groan when Mum asks me to do the laundry or wash the dishes or run to the store, so I helped everyone anyway I could. But, he had asked me one particular question that set my heart and courage on edge, “Can you help me kill myself..?” I stared at him, wide eyed, for a moment. Then he repeated the question, “Can you help me kill myself?” This time, it was a bit more demanding. I rejected him and gave him this website in order for him to cope with his thoughts, but, now I was staring at his school photo on the screen, his name across the bottom of the screen in pixels that held no emotion, but I did. I held emotion. I held the sorrow for his soul. I cried all through last night, because of someone I had just met and had only talked to once or twice all on the same day..then I thought about what would happen if my sis or someone close to me killed themselves.
.
.
.
I’d end my life too.
6 comments
It is very impressive that you’re so nice and helpful to others, but you have to be careful or it might be a little too much of a burden on you later on.
You can complain from time to time, or talk to others when you’re in need as well.
It’s really hard not to get too caught up and emotional about these things, it’s sad many people have to go through all this pain.
But you did well with him and i bet it gave him a relief to say it openly like that to you.
I wonder if someone asks you point blank, “will you help me kill myself” if they’re really asking the opposite. I’ve never asked anyone to help me kill myself, but I have voiced my thoughts on suicide to someone. It’s heavy. People get all concerned, sad, it’s like the depression is transferred to them for a little bit. Then they want to talk you out of it. Show you all the reasons not to. But…that doesn’t help. It never helps. I didn’t want to see all the reasons. All I was looking for is someone to listen. That’s all. Just listen and be there. No words, just be, care enough to listen and then the question surfaces, “will you stand with me to live just a little longer?”
It’s funny.. I think the same way as you did. 3 years ago, I did something very very very stupid in my life, I hurt my brother’s feeling and we haven’t talked for 1 years. Everything’s changed. I feel numb and my ego was to big to apology to him because I still thought that that was his fault too.. I’m so stupid, I wish I could turn back the time but I can’t. Every time I remember about our childhood memories I cried and I regret for what I’ve done. After that he slips into bad society, starts smoking, etc… I FAILED BEING A SISTER. I ask for forgiveness, we’re okay now, but still it consume another year for us to be back like the old time… not really though.. looks like but nope. Some crazy little miss-communication makes us far away.
I wonder, if he gone. Chances are I’ll end up hating, loathing my self and maybe I’ll go away too.
Thinking of that.. maybe my existence and influence is not necessary in anyone’s life..
Sorry for this long post. and thank you for your courage helping your friends. I salute you. Take care okay…
Thank you for sharing this. At times i forget there’s still people who feels deeply even if it hurts them, and worries for others even if they don’t have to. Keep strong, but also remember, it’s ok to have others support you too, you aren’t made of stone (and i’m sorry if my advice sucks).
Your advice doesn’t suck, it’s wonderful actually.
I’m actually surprised that you left this long of a comment here..but it’s all wonderful, I’m sure that you and your brother are going through a very hard time..cutting off family members is hard. Even for me, I cut off all communication with my mum prior to my move to America and we still don’t talk to each other because, when I was a young boy, I used to be gay and she would beat me, starve me, and work me to the bone around on the farm..I still blame myself for it, though, I blame me for being me.