Hi, this is my first Post and I just need someone to give me advice. So I’ve felt this way for a long time and its not going away like it used to, so will it? I’ve told my mom but she says I’ll just grow out of it but I’ve felt this way for like 5 years.
I started cutting when I was in 5th grade and I also develoPed an eating disorder, mostly for attention from my mom but she still didn’t notice even when I lost 25 lbs. My mom has also suffered from dePression and anxiety so it’s not her fault. When I was in 6th grade I started having suicidal thoughts but they went away when spring came. My bulimia also got worse. Then In 7th grade I got really bad but I didn’t want to hurt my mom since she was already going through a lot but it got better by the summer and I was okay again. Last year I took a bottle of tylenol and some of my moms xannies but I just threw it uP. And I started cutting again.
This summer my depression did not get any better and I just felt hollow but I didn’t try anything since I didn’t want to disappoint my mom. When school started my relationship with my mom fell aPart and we’ve been fighting almost every day but its gotten better since I don’t want to leave with her angry at me.
I have a really good friend who almost completely understands me and is one of the only reasons I haven’t yet, since she says I’m the only Person she trusts and she says I can’t leave her.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve really been haPPy except for when I was on dxm. I’m described klonoPin for anxiety but my mom doesn’t give it to me because she thinks I’m using it to get high. And she’s also reluctant to take me to a psychiatrist.
Anyway I know I’m not supPosed to Post this but I was Planning to take 1250 mg of dxm and 20 mg oxy and then go swimming in the ocean. Would this work, how painful is drowning?
I’m sorry this is such a jumbled mess but I can’t think straight and my thoughts are racing even though I just smoked half a pack. Also sorry for the P’s being caitalized but my keyboard is sPazzing.