I need someone :<

I have no one. My best friend don’t give a f* about me. I had a fight with his friend and he forced me to apologize with them even though it wasn’t fault so i sacrifice my dignity and apologized to them. We were best friend before i had a fight with his friends , he stops hanging out with me and left me sit alone in the class . I start to have my lunch alone in the school , feeling helpless in the class . I tried to overdoes paracetamol and ended up vomited all of them out and i never going to do it again , it is so embarrassing when i think about it , i cried for the whole week in the class ( just tear streaming down my face without sound) and i am 18 years old male which made it more embarrassing . It thought it was cool if i stop giving a sh!t about it but i still gave a sh!t . Today , he called out his friend and went out together without calling me , so i bottom up 5 more 500mg paracetamol . I can’t help myself for doing that , what can i do ? I am tired of cutting my thigh , i am tired of having no friend , i am tired of getting judged . I still remember i got judged by a bullies mom , this happened at age 10 or 11 . I went to bullies house and told her mom his son bullied me in the school , and the first thing that woman asked me was ‘ Where yours mom? ‘ and i replied ‘ My parents divorced when i was one ‘ then the mother gave me a dirty look and told me ‘ this is what single parent’s kid be like ‘ then i stand there and let her judged me for an hour. I just don’t get it why are peoples keep judging me when i was right ? My teacher don’t believe me as well , i got caned for nothing because my teacher made a mistake , she lost my book and i was send to principle because of lying and showing no respect and got caned 3 times for nothing. My live is so messed up , i am not going to get scholarship with my B- results .

I am so depressed right now .