As I drift through life and year after year passes me by with out any real direction, happiness or acheivements, I feel like im watching a crap film but I cant switch it off no matter how hard that I want to. You can’t slow time but you can make the most of it, like a lot of people I know do, but I cant seem to do the same leaving me with a lifetime ‘what ifs’ or ‘what could of beens’. I hate where my life has been for so many years and I fear the future so I spend my life reminiscing a very distant past, I think about people who left my life 8 or 9 years ago and never let go of past mistakes and wrong turns I took, they haunt me every day.
Some people have hard lives and live in poverty meaning they don’t have the resources or the education to make their lives better yet Ive had it easy and still failed.
If you go some place on your day off from work and you dont like it, you can easily just leave and go some place else, I wish this could be applied to my life yet I can’t find an escape. Ive spent a liftime trying to rid myself of this dark cloud that hangs over me, various drugs, remedies and lifestlye changes yet I always end up right where I started, in a dark place.
As I watch friends and family leave me behind in life as they enjoy and acheive things, I sit here alone in my room or in my car, wondering when this will all end.
3 comments
I too wonder when my life will end. I just can’t take it anymore, and I see no hope in the future 🙁
I too wonder when this will all end. My wife is divorcing me after 24 years. I had to move back in to my parents house. I miss my son. I see him twice a week but its not the same as living with him. Once the divorce is final I will be able to get my own apartment. Not real excited about living alone. I can totally relate to what your saying about living in the past. I know living in the past is a waste of time but still I do it anyway.
NoPeace I don’t have any great advice to give you. We all deserve some glimmer of peace and hope. I would say Fuck the Past, and the hell with worrying about the future. Just try living in the present moment. This is easier said than done, but try to do just one thing each day-no matter how small it is.
I truly hope you can find just a little bit of peace.
A crap film I would love to walk out of – yes I relate. I didn’t have a particularly terrible start in life either, and nearly all my extended family is happy and successful. Bah, lol! Watching those others enjoying their freaking lives does nothing for the depression does it? Even watching my elderly mother (83) pottering happily about her life gets to me…I have no notion in the world how she manages to be so upbeat, but she’s always been that way. Meanwhile I darkly ponder what I will do when I hit sixty…
Wish you some respite from this Nopeace…and the same for everybody here. Easter is kind of a celebration of suffering and resurrection after all.