My Anxiety

So most of my anxiety is social. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with Social Anxiety Disorder last October after I had to drop out of taditional high school because I was too anxious to be around so many people. Everyday on the car ride to school i would have a stomach ache because I was so anxious. A couple times I even had to stop at a gas station and throw up. Everytime I would walk down the hallways at school or walk into a classroom I would get sweaty palms, my heart rate would rapidly increase and my breathing would quicken. I have had several bad experiences with girls picking on me. I was told that my hair looked like i deep fried it, that I needed to tone my stomach, that my thighs were ginormus. I’ve been called a ***** and a slut several times for no reason. And eventually, I would think every single person my age that I passed in the halls or at the mall would think I was fat or a slut. I would think that people I had never met before would instantly hate me just by looking at me. Everywhere I went I felt like every single person was staring at me. All of the mean comments anyone had ever said to me stuck in my brain and I started to believe all of them. I started online school so I wouldn’t have to be around people anymore. For the past 4 months I would never leave my house unless I absolutely had to. I couldn’t do simple things like, ordering food, talking on the phone, signing for a package. My parents like to tease me about it. Eventually all the anxiety and staying at home all day everyday led to extreme depression (i’ll post about that soon). Recently I got so fed up with my anxiety keeping me from doing every single thing. I decided to start doing things anxiety doesn’t want me to do. I’m tired of anxiety always winning. I want my life back. It has gotten easier. Slowly I will do anxiety provoking things like ordering food or maybe even going to the movies on a good day. So that’s it for now. See you soon. xx

-O