After a suffering childhood with to much suicide attempts and other violence in my family i at age 5 landed in shock. Child protection came in after my sisters suicide attempt but my parents kept there dirty laundry for them self they did not explain what was happening just blamed the kids. Child protection did not see i was in shock thought i was stupid and hard to handle. At age 6 they dumped me by trick in closed house of correction for the aggressive retarded children. 5 Years there with all the torture really fucked me up for life. It was not the beatings it was the mental torture. I did nothing but cry for my mammy and after they couldn’t beat the crying out of me they tried some other tactic . I was there on month and it was Sint Nicolaas (Sinterklaas) time they given me a message if i did not stop with crying they would take me to Spain and i would never see my mother again..After that home i went from government home to government home until i was 17. My life was fucked up and i did not even now why since i blocked all this shit very successfully from my memory.Did not work my memories were to strong for example as an adult i crashed, crying puking feeling really bad, when i heard Sesame Street. Happened for years and i did not know why. At 28 i remembered after sesame street they brought me to that torture home. Many more problems, the called my state C-PTSD (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder).
I cant trust people any more. When i fall in love with a beautiful girl/woman i start to feel sick and feel the urgent need to flee nothing i could do about it (still the same).
My rescue came at age 27 (1999) when i adopted a sweet sweet puppy from the animal shelter. I started to love her very much,, it was a long time ago since i was able to love anything. It was the best time in my life only she and me! Just like i wanted it to be with my mother, her and i, all others didn’t matter. I was/am an official invalid and we spend all day together walking long hikes all day long we were so happy. She never walked on a leash she always walked free. At her age 9 she became rheumatic quite bad things were looking very negative and no medicine did help. After internet research i decided to try a special diet for rheumatic problems (no meat no grains and more..). Tossed away the dog food and started cooking daily fresh biologic food for her everyday. Salmon or Tuna or Victoria Brass or Squid with sweet potatoes broccoli banana kiwi apple vinegar carrot coconut oil vitamins and supplements. It worked so sweet in 2 weeks all her complaints were gone and never came back (as long as i cooked fresh food and i did). When she became less mobile at age 14 i just stayed home with her all day. Small hikes became the value.
February 2015 she became sick. She ate and ate she was very easily scared by for example an door that opened in front of her or when you reached out to her to hug her. The veterinarian did all kinds of research turned out she had Cushing syndrome (along with 4 other suspected tumours). Her liver was also in bad shape and the Cushing medicine were very heavy on the liver. The medicine did not cure they only suppressed the way to high cortisol (stress) levels caused by the Cushing. I decided that before i give her that medicine i try Cannabis oil cause it did not harm the liver or other organs. It worked instantly she loved it. When i did a drop on a piece of steak she licked the oil and left the steak were it was. Her eating became normal did not pie or poo in the house any more and she was totally without stress. Her force in her hind legs was coming back things were looking good.
As she she also had other cancers i decided to look for more ways for treatment as the veterinarian couldn’t do anything else (to old to operate). After a week of thorough research i started to believe in MMS. It was used on humans and pets there were loads of success story’s over the product dying people & dogs came to life. Bought it tested it on my self for a week with extreme high doses. Couldn’t find anything bad about the product so i gave her one drop to try through her food (28 march). Did it for 2 days when it became clear for me that it did not work in fact it was an disaster. She got diarrhoea like a mad men stopped eating had a very hard time. I was in full panic i poisoned my dog.. Drove with high speeds to the vet & explained the situation. She told me not to worry and gave her pro-biotic and instructions to force feed her. She hated the force feeding i felt so bad i had failed her even when things would become all right again. She did not get an full recovery any more her poo became good again but she never voluntarily ate again. Friday 10 April did her liver fail at 21.00 her pie was blood. Vet told me her organs were failing one by one and she started to digest her own blood she advised me to put her to sleep, I agreed at the moment but i cancelled it 30 minutes later. At 00.45 i called again & at 01.30 the vet arrived at our house were from she went to heaven. She never showed she had pain.
The veterinarian told me that she didn’t die from the MMS she was old and all her blood work showed that her liver values were of the chart before i started MMS. Still i did seriously fuck up her last 2 weeks on earth. I feel so bad & i miss her so. All i wanted in life & dead was to be forever with her.
I serious want to die but it feels just like at my age 6 when i wanted to cry for my mother…not allowed…you’ll then never see her again.
No family no friends, maybe in a short time i find the courage to join her. I hope so.
Driekske 2 April 1999 – 11 April 2015 R.I.P.