Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I was given a choice: go back and make one change in the most critical moment, or just do nothing and be in the same position I am now?
For me that critical moment was actually a series of tiny interconnected moments. Our friendship escalated to flirtation. At first just innocent, then mischievous, then naughty, and in the end serious.
What if I could go to that exact moment when we decided to cross the line? Would I back out now, knowing what I know? Knowing that I have lost everything, including my will to live?
But if I did make a different choice, what would I be giving up? A whole lot. I never would have experienced the love we shared. It was the most intense and fulfilling love I could ever imagine.
Nothing ever made me feel as happy as your love for me. I experienced true love and happiness. I was able to help raise three kids. One of them called me dad. It was the greatest honor of my life.
Proposing to you and your acceptance, was the best moment of my life. I truly felt like I had accomplished the greatest triumph of my life. You gave me love, joy and happiness.
So would I go back and change all of that knowing that in the end you and the kids abandoned me, erased me and betrayed me? That I lost everything I had, including my own will to live?
Not a chance in hell.