As I’m near the end for the third time in 2 1/2 weeks, my main wish is for success. I have read the statistics on suicide attempts over and over. I know the dangers of a failed attempt.
So my realistic, rational wish is to be able to do it right and not leave myself in even worse shape than I’m now. Because as much pain as I’m in now, it would be worse if I fail.
But regardless of that wish, I still have another wish that is not realistic. It’s actually quite irrational, as it is not possible and would never happen.
Those that have read my many posts and comments, know my unending love for my ex-fiancée. Even after all the pain she has cause me, I still love her with all my heart and soul.
So my wish, the impossible one, is that I can see her one last time before I go. I haven’t seen the real her since February 1st. Haven’t talked to the real her since February 4th.
Since then I have been wishing to see the real her just one more time. Even if it is just for a few seconds. I just want to see her one more time.
Yet I know it is impossible. I know it will never happen. I know that I don’t exist in her mind anymore. I know she now loves the person that hates me the most in the world.
But yet I still wish for this one last meeting. To see her beautiful face one last time. To see her smile. At me. One last time.