It’s been 16 years and life already feels like it should be over. I want out. But at the same time I’m scared….because I don’t know what happens next! I hate the unknown. Going will kill my Mum and she’s already on the edge – all I care about – but it will give me relief.
I want to go because as I quote from Footloose: “I have been so lost. I’ve been losing my mind! And you don’t even see it. You don’t even care”. I’m not who I want to be and I can’t be that person because I’ve left it too late to realize who that is which leaves me unhappy as who I am; granted I can do some things toward being that person but I’m NEVER going to be her. Be Perfect.
I have this stupid idea in my head of what perfect is. But there’s no such thing as perfect. Yet I still want it – want to BE it. It’s like…….Do you ever feel like more than one person; multi-souled almost? ‘Cause that’s what it’s like.
I started out with a clear idea of what i wanted this post to say and be. Perfect. It hasn’t gone the way I wanted it too and I’ve lost what I wanted it to be. Like my life – myself. So I have to end it here and hope that the next one is – dare I say it – PERFECT.