Less than a year ago, I had, of what I can say, the lowest point of my life. Every single night, tears were streaming down my face; it engraved canyons in my cheeks. Every single night, I look at the stars and wish everything would just come to an end. Every single night, I ask myself, “Is it wrong to enjoy what life can offer me? ”.
There were so many things I’ve been going through that I’ve kept to myself for so long because I couldn’t let it all out. I didn’t speak up and didn’t make a big deal out of it so that things wouldn’t get worse. I tried so hard not to think of all of those things because I was too afraid to allow myself to feel what I’m feeling and to experience my emotion. I was too busy diverting my attention to other things just so I could run from whatever what I’ve been going through up to a point were I have disappointed so many people; people who believed in me and people who look up to me. And the worst part is, I’ve disappointed myself. That disappointment rippled through the core of who I am. And then, I became the prisoner of myself.
As human beings, even though we know that some things are bound to happen, we’re not always willing to accept them. Every time I disappoint someone, I get disappointed with myself as well. It has been my worst enemy. And to avoid hurt, I tend to blame others.
Every time, I have to accept that I will feel these things again. I have to accept that I will continue being disappointed but it’s just a part of life, a part of being a human. I also have to accept that I will continue to have struggles for the rest of my life. I will be disappointed, I will disappoint, you will be disappointed, and you will disappoint but it will pass.
Now, I can say disappointment motivates me today; the people I have disappointed motivate me so much. They drive me to work and be the best I can be. I want to prove to them that the person, who messed up so much, wouldn’t stay that way. I may have done a lot of mistakes, but what’s important is, I learned so much from it.
What I have done is who I am, but what I have done is not who I will be because I choose to be a different person now, a person far from who I was before. If I didn’t go through what I did, then I wouldn’t be the person I am today. The step is a lifelong challenge but I was given another chance in life because I know I have a role to play in this world and I will make a difference.