I loved him. It was two long years with him. I cared. I gave 100% everyday I was with him. And the fact that he wants nothing to do with me is the worst feeling ever.
So I heard he was cheating on me. Which turned out to be a lie. He breaks up with me. I go take him his clothes. I get there and he won’t even acknowledge me. I run after him. Trying to get some kind of closure. He won’t give me any attention. That’s when I snap. [being ignored is my biggest pet peeve and what triggers my depression is usually boys] so I jump on his back trying to cling to him. A fight breaks loose. After all that he finally says this isn’t gonna work and we need a break.
I have a hard time letting boyfriends go. I fight long and hard. I think wether I’m in a relationship or not really affects my mood. As sad as that is. When we were together, I was happy. I was normal. Now we have been broken up for almost a month and I’m losing my mind. I’m not stable enough for this. I tend to throw everything into a boy when I know that is my biggest trigger. That’s what sent me to rehab. That’s what drove me to cutting.
Honestly i just want somebody to stick around and believe in me cause I clearly don’t believe in myself. I want somebody who loves me for me and NEVER leaves. I got a degree. I got my own place. My own car. I got everything but that. It depresses me because [not that I’m at the top] but the top is so lonely. No one to share my success with. No one to come home to. Just me and my dog.