http://youtu.be/fNx2Fmdp-4Y
Hi,
I’ve decided I’m going to end my life in just under 14 days. That’s fairly soon, but it’s my time to go… and we all know that when it’s time – it’s time. But first, a little about me:
I’m 26 years old, worked a job like no other and had been married for three years. I left my old job and ended up working in construction and telecommunications for a time, before meeting the supposed “love of my life”. Not many people escape my old job, but I managed to. I didn’t let it change me and a voice in my head reminds me that I’m still a “good person” despite the things that I did. It was only through my wife that I truly thought I could be normal, and move on with life.
I was wrong.
Long story short – she’d been seeing someone on the side for the past year, citing “indifference” with me, and decided to fuck off with them to a rural village a few hours away. So that was the end of that.
Anyway. I plan on staying at a hotel in the city, somewhere on the 15th floor or thereabouts. I’ll be spending the day at the cinema, down at a bar/club and on the waterfront before later on in the night where I plan to spend the evening with an escort. Don’t judge me for that. Yeah, I’m a good looking guy and could easily land me a woman, but the way I see it – I don’t have time for friends, and this 20-year old Hungarian girl needs to make a living. It’s a win-win. She’d probably end up paying me, or maybe I’ll just talk her ears off and mention some things that’d probably get her killed if the wrong people realised what I’d told her. I’m not too sure.
I should be pretty fucked from the alcohol by that time, but not too fucked that I can’t “dance”. So yeah… We’ll go at it like animals, all the while I’ll be downing more shots. Then I’ll do/say something to piss her off, try to apologise and complain about not being able to breathe (allergic reaction to the cashews in the chocolate bar beside my drink), make my way to the balcony for air, keep apologising whilst reaching into my jacket to tip her but drunkenly let it slip out and over the side of the balcony… and drunkenly chase after it. All while she’s watching and I’m too fucked up to know that I’m speeding towards the ground at an extraordinary rate.
It’s perfect.
And considering how much of a lightweight I am now, it’d probably go down like that even if I wasn’t suicidal. But yeah; I can’t wait.
So yeah. Fuck life.
11 comments
“It’s perfect”? That’s actually pretty selfish. The 20-year-old Hungarian escort or whatever is a person too, even if you’re paying her for sex. To let someone watch you die like that would be very traumatizing. Why should a random stranger have to suffer for the fact that your wife cheated on you? (I’m sorry to hear that, by the way.)
If you’re gonna kill yourself, enjoy your night with the escort first, be nice to her, then if you feel like dying wait until after she has left. She doesn’t need to be subjected to your gory demise. It’s likely the hotel has cameras anyway so it would still look like an accident if you were alone.
Cameras… Of course…
I just hope my insurance company will buy it, since I have one “dependant” named to be beneficiary of my estate. Having a “witness” works for you in that case, and I know that subjecting the working girl to my demise isn’t a good thing to do, but yeah.
Oh, I’ll still feel like dying once she’s gone. That’s a given.
Thanks for your words.
That job seems to be pretty secretive. Mafia, or something from Underground World? or maybe white collar criminals? (don’t answer). You said you feel deep down you’re still a good person. and from the way you write, I think you Are a good person. You made it this far; you got yourself out of that job. You obviously have experienced things that normal people can never do. Don’t let all that end like this. Women come and go. They don’t own you, nor your life depends on their whims. You are a strong person in your own self. Let that strength be your strength.
Worse than all of that. Can’t say any more since my connection is unencrypted right now. It’s about more than just a “woman”, but yeah. Thanks for your input. Nice to see that my words still say something.
Sure, sounds great until you hit the ground and are paralyzed for life, or until the Hungarian girl is arrested for murder. I hope this is a novel plot, not a real life fantasy.
…knew a guy who fell off a ledge five metres up and died. I’m no stranger to heights or falling for that matter, so don’t think I don’t know the dangers of free-fall and what not. And hey – a similar thing has happened before where I live, so it ain’t quite fantasy.
Thanks for your comment.
Are you Australian by any chance? There was a loosely similar case that surrounded a former member of this site actually, who either committed suicide or was murdered (the police weren’t sure). I don’t want to go into details but if you’re from Australia you probably know what I’m talking about.
Dual citizenship, Aussie/Kiwi. Yeah, I know what case you’re talking about. Was a point of contention amongst my colleagues. At the end of the day she shouldn’t have been there.
I personally believe it was a well planned suicide, and all she needed was the means to go about it. Add an apartment fourteen storeys up with a perverted carpet layer who served guests sly grog, and it’s a recipe for disaster. Whereas if it were any other person/place, she’d probably still be here.
Who knows. I’ll ask her when I see her.
“At the end of the day she shouldn’t have been there.” Perhaps not, but, you know, instead of ordering an escort to serve her needs she decided to go with someone she found attractive on a dating app. She probably didn’t have suicide in mind at the time, unless this was a case of trying to take revenge on this guy for someone else she knew. Or she was just drunk and angry that night and that’s why it happened (unless he did in fact murder her, which he claims didn’t happen).
Anyway, I do hope you won’t take the poor sex worker down with you; like I said, cameras should capture whatever happens, so there shouldn’t be need for a ‘witness’.
Think it over first, though. Have you thought about maybe moving away from your homeland and starting over somewhere new? You’re still young, and unless you’re dying of an incurable illness or the like, you have plenty of time to reinvent your life. Hey, the U.S. usually welcomes almost anyone, I’m sure you wouldn’t have a problem getting in (or maybe there are other countries in Europe that don’t ask many questions).
No doubt, the dude is a coward and any coward can push a drunk woman off a balcony and cry “accident!” But something about her tells me otherwise. I still reckon he should be done for it, if the evidence mounts up. Yep, drunk and angry. That’s me all the time. Yeah, you’re right about getting the girl involved. I’ll keep her out of it.
My wife left me a long time ago. I’ve been thinking on this for two months since I was diagnosed with a tumour in my head. I know what treatment to expect for it and, frankly, I’d rather die on my own terms, instead of being nuked every month and left to palliative care once they realise they fucked me up too much.
So there you go. That’s why I’ve chosen to leave in two weeks.
Witnessing suicide can give trauma to some delicate people. So you should not do anything like that in front of her if you have actually decided to do. Whether I will do suicide or not in the near time will be decided in the upcoming 7 days. I hope you get peace.
And yeah Fuck life.