I’m 31 years old, no kids, been engaged twice which failed. I’ve been cheated on, lied to, and the last girl I dated decided she rather go back to being a lesbian. So usually I just hide behind Apathy and drugs. I only have a high school education, because I lack effort to do anything more. I’ve always been more of a workhorse.
It’s pretty awesome starting off your week after Memorial Day by losing your car. Apparently the car place felt as if they couldn’t wait till this Friday to let me make a payment, and didn’t tell me they would wait.. so they towed it while I was at work.. which getting off at 1:30 in the morning after a 10 hour shift and seeing your car magically gone really sets the mood great. What sucks almost as bad is I was really looking forward to that joint I had in my car. Oh, it’s going to cost over 600 dollars to get it back, gotta love that $250 towing fee.
Then there is the next day, where I was drug tested at my job, which of course I’ve been smoking pot among other things. Now I have to basically wait a week while they send it to the lab just to tell me I’m fired. Then again they are hurting for people, so it may be “back to rehab” I go in order to keep it. Rehab sucks, trust me. I rather just try to find another job. I’ll lose my insurance which I hardly use, but oh well. Oh, I also had a 2nd job, but they pretty much let me go because they got some new pompous dickfaced asshole who thinks he’s hot shit in there who did the scheduling and didn’t like the fact I had a main job. He reminded me of Hank Hill if Hank Hill was a pedophile that had cerebral palsy.
I felt like I could of had potential, or done something right in my life.. and usually it looks good on paper, but the follow through is very piss poor. I’m not suicidal, but I do think about hanging myself a lot. Not to mention laughing it off amongst my friends (Which the majority of them suck, like me.) that I should do it. I wish I had the grapefruits to do it, but as usual, I’m too Apathetic to even try. Did I mention my friends like to dog me behind my back?
I think the best way is just to accidentally over-dose. It just sucks when you have a high tolerance, but man I love getting rocked off an Opana. I went to a health facility because I actually had it in me to hold a loaded shotgun, but even I knew that’s as far as it would go.. I made the mistake of telling a friend (The Lesbian Ex-gf ironically) and she had to blab it to a family member, so I was pretty much pushed into going. That place sucked. I could tell they didn’t give a shit. Go to a few groups a day, write down how you feel on a piece of paper, discuss it and then I would go back to my cold ass room and sleep for hours. They were all pretty pretentious and acted pretty effortless. They tried to put me on anti-depressants.. lol..yeah, that’s not going to happen. I don’t pop pills unless it’s something that gets me high.
So now I may have to move out of the house I’m at.. which I liked, because I actually had roommates (Who are friends) that I could tolerate living with because they worked days when I would be asleep, and they would be asleep when I got home, so I pretty much didn’t have to deal with anyone.
So here I am almost 4:30 in the morning, dead sober, I get my paycheck tomorrow which will probably go up my nose, or into my veins if I’m lucky.. instead of doing the smart thing and being conservative with it. Why? Because my weak is my strong. Sure, I know people out there have it worse, but I still feel I have validation in hating my life.
There you have it. I feel it’s easier to discuss it with complete strangers because I don’t have to be looked at like an f’n idiot.