I’ve been depressed for over 9 years now. I can’t deal with this pain anymore. I have scars all over my body, and I want to add more so I can ignore my pain, just for a little bit. But, mostly, I just want it to end and the only way I know how to do that is if I kill myself. Then it will all stop! Right?
I’ve been bullied since day 1 of school, never had a good solid friend until i was about 10 years old, my mother passed away the day before I turned 12, and ever since then my depression took a major turn for the worse, and now I’m just in pain. I’ve always been the outcast and have been yelled at constantly for so long, which is why I try to spend as much time away from my house as I can. I just want my pain to stop so I can get on with my life but it won’t! I’m crying more and more and I’m constantly reminded of my failures every few minutes when I go to do something and I see the scars on my arms. My problems will probably sound mediocre, but that’s because it’s hard for me to even type about the worst parts of my life, and the worst parts of me. I’m turning anorexic, my depression is just straight up suicidal thoughts and actions at this point. I truly believe I’m worthless and I hate myself so so so much, I just want my pain to go away!! But I have to keep everything inside, and nobody can know of my pain IRL because then nobody would look at me the same. I just want it all to end…and if theirs any of you out there who think this is some attention thing, piss off, I already get enough of “you just want attention” crap IRL, I don’t need it here, I don’t even know what the purpose of all this was. I don’t know if writing daily stuff will keep me alive, or if the whole point of this was to convince myself to go through with it. I don’t even know anymore, and I just don’t care.
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5 comments
I hope it’s to keep you alive. I don’t want you t die. I want you to find a different way out of your pain.
Maybe try? I ultimately have no control over your actions, but I urge you to keep living.
Ok Streamers…i’ve tried everything I can think of, so I’m open to suggestions
Because a cut sounds really good right now
Alright, I don’t know you. So any sympathy I throw at you I doubt will feel real.
So instead I’ll just tell you the facts, you’re not worthless. Fuck everyone who thinks so, you decide what your worth is, don’t let the darkness warp your mind into thinking you’re less than you are. You can overcome any obstacle if you push hard enough. It’ll be rough, and you’ll want to give up, but if you keep pushing you’ll get through this.
I’ve been trying to push for nearly a decade. I can’t stop these obstacles, their are just to many of them and I’m alone in my struggles. I can’t defend against the darkness forever and it had me for awhile but I got out…for a time…now it’s coming back.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so used to pain and things being rough it doesn’t faze me in the slightest, but how can i do this on my own?
Yes I know God is here and so is the Holy Ghost, but sometimes I need a physical person, is that to much to ask for?
Sorry, I wish I could be a bit more supportive, atm I’m in a rather dark place of nothingness I’ve been in for the last decade or so myself. Isn’t this world simply absurd?