I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 14, and I suppose the reason I didn’t was because of my dog, and my grandparents. I now live with my grandparents, have been for over 3 years now, and I honestly feel stuck. Like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. I feel like I’m honestly a failure, because I don’t really very hard in college, and every relationship I’ve been really serious about has failed.. I understand things are hard when it’s long distance but all I’m asking is for someone to try.. Not give up when the first bump comes along.. and when it comes to college, I don’t know why I’m even trying it because I’m not applyiby myself.. I miss my hometown, all I wanna do is go home but I honestly don’t have any where to stay.. My bf and I are completely done. I wanna go home, and just finish the job.. That way I could say I was home when I died. The thoughts are getting more and more visual, and more real.. I’m trying my best to fight the urge to cut but at this point, I want to so I can feel a different kind of pain; a pain where it’s not emotional, just physical. I just want to stop the pain and failure. And I feel like the only way I can do that is by suicide.. That way no one has to worry about me, no more grandparents paying for college, they can use the money for something else, just no more thoughts. I have a few ideas ready, just can’t act on them.. I don’t know why.