And I can’t make myself study for any of them, I just don’t have the energy. It takes every bit of strength I have just to climb out of bed in the morning. This is bullshit, I’m thinking this summer will be my last. I’m gonna go visit some family on the other side of the country, come back to CA to pick up my crossbow and hike far enough into the woods that the smell of my rotting corpse won’t bother anyone, then I’ll put a bolt through my skull. May seem excessive, but I’ve survived ODing twice and an attempted hanging, so this is my best bet. At least if the attempt fails, I’ll be seriously damaged enough that I won’t make it the night without help, and I’ll be far enough away from people that I won’t have any.