well today is my birthday. and i am debating whether or not i want to stay alive. no one knows what is going on with me or else i probably wouldn’t be sitting here alone. but that is ok. the people who do know i am suicidal ie shrink, therapist, all have other people to attend to. i am willing to bet i am not even on their radar today. i have the means, a place picked out, all i need is some gumption to get moving. the bottom line is i can’t take living like this anymore. this depression just won’t let up and i have lost faith in talk therapy, meds. i hate myself and feel like i am an outsider everywhere. family, friends they don’t know how far i have fallen. i have suffered from depression for 30 plus years and feel i have done my time. as i get older all the physical shit that goes with it takes more and more out of me. and i don’t see what the point is anymore. i don’t blame anyone. this is my decision. i only hope that i can be forgiven. i am so sorry for the pain i am about to cause. goodbye.
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Sometimes your greatest defeats in life are your greatest accomplishments. One day you are going to look back and say I overcame that, but don’t give up just yet.
heey are you still there? please don’t do it, you’re not alone here.. Happy birthday by the way:)
Although I understand you are in pain right now, I still want to wish you a happy birthday. You should be proud you made it another year, even if the year was a struggle.
I hope you stick around for a little while longer, I don’t want to see anyone go. I’m here if you ever need to talk. <3
Today’s my birthday too, and it is stressful when people wish me happy birthday, cause “happy” is very far from where I am now. So I’ll spare you the stress.
Do you have any plans for today? Beside your suicidal plans I mean. And even in case you have a suicidal plan, would you like to share it with us? Just because I would like to explain you what can go wrong with it and what risks you are taking, so you’ll maybe change your mind. Because, you know, there’s a very high chance of things going wrong (i.e. chance to survive) if you are not truly convinced in doing it, and since you’re debating whether to do it or not I guess you’re not fully convinced. I know the “it will get better” is not a convincing argument (doesn’t work for me), but maybe the “it will get worse if you attempt and fail” is (works for me).
I just had the worse birthday dinner ever, with my family devastated from the pain I caused to them during this months, all the four of us pretending to be happy. My father is more depressed then me (because of me, by the way), my mother can’t deal with two depressed zombies anymore and she was obviously struggling not to cry the whole time, my sister I don’t know how she really is, she has emotional and psychological issues since she was a child (and I always blamed her for that, now I understand what it means and I blame me for never being comprehensive to her). Me, I’m trying to get over the other problems I caused me, but when I see the picture at home I just want to die; not only it hurts so much to see my loving family like this, but it also hurts because I am the cause for all of this. I want to die because I can’t stand this (this is only one of the problems I crafted for me in this last two months), but I know I can’t die because it would literally kill both my parents (in the best case scenario) and I can’t stand it either. Pretty much stuck.