I’m thinking about taking my own life. My mom is my only family member and tonight we had a bad arguement. I said a lot of really mean things. I feel I was justified in being irritated, even angry, but I shouldn’t have been so mean. One of these arguments happened only 2 weeks ago. I have caused my mom so much pain with the mean things I’ve said over the years. I’ve also put her through so much with my mental and physical health problems. I honestly feel I should have never been born. When these fights happen with my mom, I seriously consider taking my life. I also suffer from depression and borderline personality disorder. I also feel like taking my life due to the depression. I’ve had many therapies, but they haven’t helped much. Anyway, I don’t know exactly when or if I’ll go through with suicide. I think eventually it will come to that.
I know killing myself would cause my mom more pain, which is one reason why I haven’t done it. I honestly just think I should never have been born. I feel stuck because I want to die, and as stated, I think I deserve to, but it will cause more pain.
6 comments
I am going through the same thing. Your not alone here . I understand its hard :/ hope you feel better
I will start by saying we all make mistakes we all say things out of anger we all don’t have perfect relationships with our parents (if u do u must be perfect)& last time I checked no one is. I think that your mom loves you and of course Bcuz of that it hurts her to see or know what u go through. Especially Bcuz she can’t control it. It would devistate your mom if u took ur life Bcuz she wouldn’t have another chance at all ever to try to change ur mind. Please don’t shut her out. Be honest about how u feel and ur worries of causing her any “pain”. u were meant to be here, and I know if u were a parent u would want nothing more than to have them know that but it is hard to show somebody that especially when one goes thru depression (I know this Bcuz I’ve been there) I heard many things in the book and never once listened Bcuz I was so stuck in the dark. If I had my mom supporting me through it though I would’ve definitely gotten out of it quicker so be glad u still have urs! I just want to help u realize it could be worse.. I know u didn’t ask for this but I just had too reply. Sounds like dad isn’t around or any one else.. I’ll be honest I had no dad either, I was never given the opportunity to know what a parents love was and I grew up with no friends I basically had myself. No actual support. There’s still time to change things tho for urself Hun, still time to apologize for any wrong doings, still time to choose a different route. I know u feel alone but ur not, I may never get to meet u in person but I am here for you here always don’t hesitate ever if u need someone to talk to I’m here.
It’s just funny how sometimes you read posts here and they completely echo your own life. I’ve unleashed a lot of my anger and hatred for my own life on my mother. She’s an easy target-though my father deserved as much hate.
She’s a stupid, wretched, pathetic person who should’ve never been allowed to reproduce. At the same time she’s also had a rough life and suffered a lot. I think one time I was really anger and told her off and I think it affected her psychologically.
She didn’t deserve that and I felt I went over the line-I did what I could to make it up to her…but my patience has always been thin with her. My siblings care even less for her than I do. Lucky for her I’m not a complete asshole or I wouldn’t let her live with me.
Still if I had the choice I would’ve never have picked her to be my mother-but then so many men and women are such loathesome creatures-on the whole she’s about average and I don’t like being average.
She feeds off people’s pity and sometimes acts older and more frail than she is around my other family members to garner sympathy-it’s disgusting to me and next time I’m going to point it out so she stops acting so fake and pathetic.
I’m caught in a hard place, I hate her but no one else will take her in, so she has to live with me. I wish my life was different but this is what I’m stuck with. In the grand scheme of things, she’s a minor problem for me compared to other shit I have to deal with in my life.
But enough about me-let’s address your post. Maybe you should apologize to her for your behaviour, change your ways. It’s probably better not to commit suicide and try to make life better for the both of you-that’s what I’m doing right now.
However, ultimately the decision to live/die is our own and shouldn’t hinge on those around us. For instance, if I was paralyzed (but able to kill myself) and hated my life-I’d end it, even if it hurt others around me because my pain would be much greater than theirs (in my view)…some people are fine living immobilized, not me.
So that’s what you need to decide for yourself. In my case my life-as bad as it is, it isn’t unbearable so I keep going, in hopes that it’ll get better. But as I get older the less reasons I have to keep living. I don’t think I’ll make it into my 60s…I might end it even sooner if my life never improves.
Everyone has arguments with their parent and most of the time they are forgotten in a few days when people calm down. One person is all you need to find the strength to keep going. It doesn’t matter whether you were right or wrong just apologise so that you can both move on. If you’re not sure about things and are contemplating suicide think about what you can do to make your mother feel better because the chances are she probably feels bad and lonely too.
No one deserves to die.
The same as no one “deserves” to live, no one “deserves” to die. In the overwhelming majority of suicides, there are people that will be hurt by it. It’s something all suicidal people have to come to terms with. Which is why I always say that killing yourself in a rational and planned out manner is so difficult. There are so many things to consider, including the pain you will be causing your loved ones. It’s something to ponder very carefully. For many, it is the one thing that holds them back. Personally, I have come to terms with it. I know my loved ones will be devastated. But I have to do what I feel is necessary for me. In the end we are only responsible for our own actions.