I guess I’ll just start from the beginning here… I found this site while looking up suicide information, and I guess you could call this my last resort.
I’m 18 years old, raised under an abusive mother and a father that loved me but never stood up for me and my needs. The last age I can remember not being depressed was probably around 12 years old. I’ve been told by my family and friends that I need to simply choose to be happy, but that simply isn’t working for me. I know I’m sick. I hear voices and have episodes where I forget who I am, and get incredibly scared and prone to self harm. I even recently moved to live with my boyfriend of 3 years in the hopes that it would make me better, but he ignores my depression just like my parents did and everything is getting worse. I cannot write a list of what I want to do before I die because the only thing on it would be to hurry up and kill myself. I haven’t been able to do even the things that used to make me very happy, I’ve lost all my motivation for life. My boyfriend is seeing a doctor and currently has a big bottle of trazodone that I keep thinking about ODing on. I’m afraid if things keep going on like this, I’m going to end up giving in. I really don’t know what to do.
Many people ignore depression simply because they don’t understand it. Similar to how depressed people can easily ignore being happy all the time (although, I would the depressed understand the happy better). Finding a way to easily communicate with your bf is key. He may not be able to understand it, but if you are lucky, he can at least be there for you.
Hearing voices and forgetting who you are sounds more schizophrenic/bipolar. I’m extremely far from an expert, but those conditions are treatable.
You have friends here, keep your stick on the ice!
Do you have the means to go get healthcare?
Cephalus may be right… I’m no expert either, but I had a friend with those symptoms and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia; sounds similar.
It helps sometimes to get a proper diagnosis so you know what you’re dealing with. It also should be someone specializing in diagnosing these things. Someone with a PhD, not a social worker.