About two years ago I started down the path to a really horrible place. I had developed a pretty serious eating disorder, I was harming myself, and worst of all I’d almost completely stopped sleeping. I became extremely unmotivated and generally didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t find a meaning to life, I saw no purpose to even existing because nothing I did ever made me happy. I tried so hard to be happy but nothing could change the horrible feelings inside of me. About 8 months ago things started to get better, I was actually doing really well and I felt like a real person again. I don’t know exactly why but everything just started to get better. The problem is the last two weeks have been much worse than anything that happened to me before. Everything I’ve worked so hard to fix has completely fallen apart all over again. I’m so tired and honestly I can’t find a reason to keep going at this point. I’ve stopped eating but this time it’s different because I’m not going hungry, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t bring myself to do anything. I don’t even want to bathe anymore I just want to sleep. I just want to go to sleep but I can’t. I can’t fall asleep no matter what I do. I took an entire bottle of sleeping medication in three days and in those three days combined I slept for a little over six hours. I don’t want to keep going like this. I will never be anything other than the useless nothing I am today. I just want everything to go away because everything that’s going on in my head is keeping me up at night. I’m so tired.