I don’t want to live for another minute. I’m 22 and I don’t want to make it to 23. I’m sick of being alone. I’m sick of having no friends, no one to turn to, and no one to rely on. I was put on this earth with a fucked up brain. I have bipolar disorder which goes hand in hand with the severe depression. And if that wasn’t enough, I have insomnia that keeps me up at night and ADD so I can never concentrate for more than 5 fucking minutes. I hate it. I haven’t felt happy for so god damned long. Being an atheist, I don’t believe in a heaven or hell, so I don’t fear or believe in any consequential fate of committing suicide. the only fucking thing that keeps me chained to this living hell is my parents. Regaurdless of how much I can’t stand my life, I could never put them through the tragedy of losing their only son. It’s a vicious cycle. I want nothing more than to have never existed in any shape or form. I NEVER FUCKING ASKED TO BE HERE! I had no fucking choice to be thrown into a world I fucking hate to the core. I look around and hate every god damned thing I see! our “leaders” lie to us! No one cares about anyone but them selves! I work so fucking hard to help others and never expect anything in return and what do I get!?? Criticized! Yelled at! Made fun of! I’m sick and fucking tired of it! I’ve turned to fucking dating sites to find at least one fucking person that likes me for who I am and out of the literaly thousands of girls who “saw my page” not one sent me a message! The loneliness is tearing me apart! I just want to die! THATS ALL I FUCKING WANT! I bought my first handgun last year when I turned 21. From time to time when I’m alone, I rack the chamber and put it to my temple… Just one, small, finger movement… And I’m free. That’s all it takes. That’s all I have to do. I sit there with a loaded fucking gun to my stupid fucking head and just dream. But the mess that would create… All the blood, grey matter, and skull that would be slewed across the wall and floor…my parents could never erase that from their memories. I don’t know what to do any more. I just want to drive out to the middle of nowhere, where no one could EVER find me and end it. Maybe they could believe I was alive somewhere. But that seems like it could be worse than killing myself with them knowing. They would never find closure. At least if they know I’m dead, they’ll eventually move on. Fuck it all. One of these days I’m gonna pull this fucking trigger and finally be free.