I haven’t been on in a while nor have I written anything in quite sometime. I don’t know exactly why, but I just haven’t. My life has taken a turn and it seems to be a positive one for a chance. I fell in love despite my best efforts. It was quick. I knew as soon as I saw him and talked to him it was over. POW! Head-over-heels in love. He means everything to me, essentially he is my life. We moved in together and it seems to be working out. Honestly the biggest change in my life is that I am about 4 months clean. This is my second longest attempt. Though I am happy, I worry that I am going to give in soon. The pressure is always there and I can’t shake the thoughts. They are fewer then they have been in the past. He helps with that. As perfect as I want things to be with him, there are some hiccups in the relationship. Not the usual cheating lying king of hiccups but the more aggressive ones. He treats me like a incompetent child sometimes and when I express that it hurts my feelings he just pokes fun at it. I get in trouble for the simplest of things. I once dropped a piece of wrapper on the floor and he acted like it was the end of the world…. I know I need to be careful, but things will be okay. After all, I’ve learned not to miss the trashcan anymore. I work a weird shift that requires I leave the apartment at an ungodly hour and I arrive back home in the early afternoon while he is still at work. So, I do the dishes, the laundry, and cook to make sure he has a hot meal when he gets off. I’ve turned into the perfect little Betty Crocker Girlfriend. It is the least I can do I guess since he does pay all the bills and I drive his car. I’ll adjust to this life style even thought I’m a 20 year old acting like a 40 year old mother of one. I’m just hoping that the urges stay dormant. Lots of sharp things in this apartment and so many ways to get hurt at work.
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3 comments
Do you mind doing those things? Does he appreciate them? Do they put a smile on his face or yours? Are they just expected? I gave everything to someone once. I don’t even think she realized how much I sacrificed. I don’t think I know what she sacrificed. Perhaps unfortunately, many men are looking for a ‘mother’. The thing is, when you are in love you don’t always notice.
I understand the fear of feeling like you might dive into the abyss at any moment. I just hope he understands. Maybe his poking fun is his way of trying to make you smile. Of trying to make you see a different perspective, maybe not. If it ever feels abusive, get out.
Talk it over with him, those little things you are letting pass might become bigger and bigger in time (specially if you feel like you are walking on glass). Just think of a snowball rolling downhill. Also, rome wasn’t built in one day. The fact that you are holding on longer than you have before is already an achievement, but every tension adds up to that. Like cephalus say, some men do look for a mother figure even without realizing it, and see it as normal.
in my personal opinion it sounds like you already do more than enough for him. just because he pays the bills doesnt mean you should allow yourself to be stepped on. although idk the whole story my opinion is pretty invalid.