I am sick and tired of it all.
The only thing that is sort of positive is that I’ve been organizing and getting rid of junk that has accumulated over my lifetime.
I pulled out the pictures of me, but I got rid of school yearbooks. Some I torched, some I put in the trash. Didn’t even bother recycling them.
I have a bible, still kept it in a box with a bunch of other books, but I don’t really give it much weight anymore. I’ll probably get rid of it in a couple of days as part of the whole process.
There are some things that are still useful for me, like my laptop but I feel that if I let them go, then there is nothing physical to keep me around. There is a bit of a relief in that.
All the physical things in this world that describe me, feel like they are becoming less and less, like a Benjamin Buttons.
I don’t believe in hell. I don’t know if there is a heaven, but if there is a hell, this is it. I don’t believe in a god that will punish you for being in so much pain. And if there is a god, I don’t believe that he is some sort of helicopter parent that swoops in and interferes with our lives. If he did, then babies wouldn’t die, and wars would never happen.
It makes no sense that an eternal, all knowing god would be so petty and jealous for all eternity. It comes to a point that even a god will come to the understanding that being good is what will get the community you wish for.
I believe that the hell that we have been told is a bedtime story to the benefit of the storyteller and not the child. I’ve worked it out in my head, and I don’t think that a god would be so cruel. I’m near positive of it.
I’ve been getting rid of clutter, clothes that don’t fit, things that I thought that I could use for later, I am getting rid of all that stuff.
I’m not really buying anything anymore except for food. I ride my bike for exercise, but more just to get out of the house.