Is fucking hell. I am so tired of it. The older I get, the harder it becomes to live in such an awful way. I will never be the person I am supposed to be, I will never be pretty, I will never be truly a happy person. Why even bother living?
Gah, I wish I wasn’t so scared of ending my life.
4 comments
I believe transgendered people are some the kindest people… you have so much to go through to be you and it takes so much to do that. You don’t take for granted anything. Don’t give up. Look for support. Can you find a transgender group for support.
Take one day- one moment at a time.
Thanks for the kind words. I’ve already looked for support (both professional, aka psychologist) and support of people like me. But unlike other transgedered people, I don’t find live worth living this way. The only way I found to make life a bit more tolerable is to avoid leaving my house. Unless leaving is absolutely necessary, I am always locked inside my room. Such a miserable way of living, isn’t it?
Yes, it is and I’m sorry it feels that way. I do the same for different reasons- isolate myself. I joined a theatre group and I just felt there was too many people and I couldn’t find my place there and I didn’t give it much time. I know the reason is different but I still retreated.
So, remember you are not only person who isolates themselves. Find a way to get out once in a while- even going for a walk somewhere quiet with few people.
Be a friend to you. Find things you do like- a favorite food or activity you can do at home and make your home your castle. Is there a support group that might use the telephone or an online group? That might help as you could stay home.
Just ideas, maybe they aren’t what you wish, but search for something.
Thank you for the ideas and I am sorry you feel the need to isolate yourself as well.
You are right and while this might sound awfully selfish, the fact there are plenty of other people who isolate themselves and/or are in the same situation as me (transgendered body) is what gives me some comfort. I don’t know about support groups, but searching for one wouldn’t hurt (at least not more than the usual pain I feel).
All the best!