Well, it’s not getting any easier. Everyday seems to be more and more challenging. I think I’m at the end of my rope. Everyone just keeps saying time with heal everything, and it’s becoming a very annoying phrase to hear. Everyday I question my existence. I’ve wrote my not last week while at work. I’m leaving it in my box for access when I’m gone. I want to scream out for help so bad, but I know I can’t. It seems like a act for attention to most people. I’ve really only told one person that I considering it. And once again, I get told to give it time and that I haven’t had time to experience great things yet. What am I supposed to do? Wait for time to kill me off slowly? That seems like such a better future. No one understands.
I’m just a back up to most people. Never the first to be chosen, just a last resort. I always try and do the right thing and end up suffering in the end. Always getting the worse results from what I believe are the best choices. always acting in the best interest of other people. I always get told to be more “selfish” now that I’m alone. Well this is how I choose to be more selfish. This is my choice. I thought I could simply move on and I can’t. But she could.
Sorry, this post really has no point. I’m so caught up in between so many mixed feelings. I just know I feel like my time to end it is getting closer. I just don’t know when.