I don’t want to be here anymore, I’ve known this since I was very young. But only now that I’m over 40, I’m no longer living on some autopilot or “unawakened” state. I’m awake. I get it. Oneness, we are all one, the energy, the unified field, the energy of love, the veil, the illusion, the ego. Got it… I’m done now, I don’t want to force peace and happiness upon myself or others, what for? People and life keep pushing back and I want to leave now, I can’t keep this up on my own.
If I ended up here with this pitiful story, what’s going to keep me from transporting into yet another pitiful story? Please, who ever you are controlling my consciousness, I am at your mercy, what did I do so wrong before you gave me a chance to live? Will you please let me live or die in peace if I beg you? My choices and other people’s choices and those consequences have beaten me down so bad that I have no heart anymore, I’m just exsisting. I’m disgusting, I look disgusting, ugly. Take me, use me up before I’m unusable. I have manifested my disgustingness before I was born. What was my crime? A life sentence for what? What did I do? Would it matter if I knew? Did you care how much I would hurt? I’m sure you knew though. Why do you hate me?
I read a few posts here today, about death and now I’m leaving this computer happier tonight, with the comfort of knowing that my death is coming anyway, just maybe I can be happier now. Maybe I won’t wish to force it on my time, maybe I’ll relish in it every day that you can’t wreck me forever because in the end, I’ll win.