I get a lot out of this website. I remember during my darkest years I never wanted to talk about suicide with anyone even though it was the only thing on my mind. I never wanted to talk to them because I felt like their first reaction would be to talk me out of it. I’m not at all angry at them for reacting this way. I know they loved me and they didn’t want to lose me but I never wanted to talk about suicide because….I don’t know. Maybe because they would never see it as an option. Because they would have their own agenda. They would try to stop the problem rather than understand the person. Or because they wouldn’t be able to understand why someone would want to end their life. If someone were to tell me they were planning on killing themselves, I’m not sure I would even try to talk them out of it. It just sounds so appealing.
But I come to this website and read story after story of people wanting nothing more than to commit suicide. You talk about how it’s the only thing you’ve wanted for years. You talk about your past attempts and future plans of ending your life. I don’t want to come off as morbid or twisted, but these stories are so…comforting. And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I guess the saying “misery loves company” has more validity than I give it credit. When I read about your struggles, I wish there were some magic phrase I could type to make the darkness go away, but I can’t. I’d like to tell you that it does get better, but I don’t know that it will. It has for me; it has definitely lessened but I still think about killing myself everyday. I think that’s just part of who I am now. You can’t go from thinking about one thing constantly every day for years and then put it out of your mind completely. I guess I just wanted to say thanks for your honesty in your posts. It’s very refreshing. Please keep writing your stories. It makes me feel a lot less alone. It helps me make it one more day.