Not sure how it started, but I lost control last night. I’ve been battling with depression for a long time, only attempted suicide once before. I guess after a lifetime of never feeling good enough, I had a moment of weakness and fell off the wagon. I drank over half a bottle of 100-proof vodka and then downed about 600mg ambien and 20 hydrocodone/acetomenophin (5/325mg) pills. On top of my normal dose of anti-depressants. I have to admit I felt pretty good for a while there, and then passed out somewhere along the way.
I woke up a few hours ago and have been puking almost non-stop. As I type this, I’m fighting the intense nausea. My body has shaking fits like I’m possessed and I feel chilly even though it’s a warm sunny day. Needless to say, I took the day off work. I guess I’m lucky this is the worst that’s happened, given how badly I’m treating my liver. I don’t know what I intended to happen, wasn’t even thinking about it really. I just did it.
Moral of the story. If you aren’t serious about doing it, just don’t. You’ll feel like shit. Even worse than the usual kind of shit.
15 comments
Damn you look good having just woken up from a heavy overdose and hangover to boot… Not that it will make you feel better, but I’ve never looked that decent after a suicide attempt… Lol…
On a serious note, hope your ok and got what you needed out your system and yes, overdoses are mostly unsuccessful… You see it in the movies and it looks so easy, but it ain’t….
Hope the sickness subsides but my guess is you will be dizzy into tomorrow… I hope it passes soon… Put a good movie on and drink lots of water 🙂
Thanks for compliment and the support. 🙂 And the great advice. Have to keep hydrating. Horrible decision on my part. But I suppose it’s a lesson learned.
I hope you reconsider your plan, though. You sound like a very sweet and caring person. The world needs more of that, not less.
Awww thanks… But sadly I have no more love to give… I guess here with like minded people it’s ok… Where I don’t have to smile or force any false emotions, but everywhere else in the world just doesn’t seem to fit me anymore… It’s a square peg and round hole situation… I wish it wasn’t… I wish I could still work and hang out with friends and go shopping and have a partner in my life, but I can’t and haven’t been able to do any of those things for about a year… Now my money has all run out and I can’t live like this anymore…. But still nice to know that once I was a nice kind person and thank you for saying so 🙂
Thank you… But sadly I have no more love to give… I guess here with like minded people it’s ok… Where I don’t have to smile or force any false emotions, but everywhere else in the world just doesn’t seem to fit me anymore… It’s a square peg and round hole situation… I wish it wasn’t…
I wish I could still work and hang out with friends and go shopping and have a partner in my life, but I can’t and haven’t been able to do any of those things for about a year… Now my money has all run out and I can’t live like this anymore…. But still nice to know that once I was a nice kind person and thank you for saying so…
Thank you… however now, sadly I don’t have any more love to give… I guess here with like minded people it’s ok… because I don’t have to smile or force any false emotions, but everywhere else in the world just doesn’t fit anymore… A square peg and round hole situation… I wish it wasn’t…
I wish I could still work and hang out with friends and go shopping and have a partner in my life, but I can’t and haven’t been able to do any of those things for about a year… Now my money has all run out and I can’t live like this anymore…. But still nice to know that once I was a nice kind person and thank you for saying so…
I don’t know why but it’s not letting me send my response, which is basically saying thanks
No such thing as crazy in this world. Everyone is good enough. Give your liver a moment to heal and breathe. Don’t forget that you’re just as important as everyone else. You’ll always be good enough. Just believe in yourself and keep your chin up.
Thanks, Darien. Just one of those things where the rational side of me knows that what I’m feeling isn’t true. Like my mind is at odds with my heart. I’ve been able to manage it with the help of my pdoc and meds. Last night was a lapse in judgement, but I am glad I woke up. Thanks for the support.
Ok, so I can’t keep the water down. I’ll have to try that again later.
Forgot to mention the strangest symptom. For a while after I woke up, I was having a hard time trying to finish spoken sentences. Like my mouth would not want to say anything else after several words. Very unnerving. I don’t recommend it. I hope that goes away.
But I have no more kindness left in me. So it’s my time to exit.
Yep, you’re just dazed. Your brain is a little fried but that will come back. You can also get withdrawal symptoms off some drugs which feels like mini electric shocks going through your body and that can take about a week to go… But it does go
@dazed and confused…..nice to know that you realize your decision was wrong…get rest..you will get better…have a fresh air. wish you have a good life ahead
@badyear…mine story exactly like yours….lost my enthusiasm and possibly couldn’t get better…but I think you are a nice person…you must try harder to live and help more people
I can’t believe people are even saying this about me, that I’m a nice person… I guess because I have closed myself off from the world for so long, I just haven’t heard this words in such a long time and only thought about how rubbish I am that I have allowed myself to fall so far… But now 3 times I have been told that in the past 2 days… So great to hear… I have just advertised for a suicide pact on a relevant website, maybe I should include I am a nice person 🙂
Thanks again… Means a lot to hear that x
D&c what have you got to be depressed about?? You should get a gig as a CK underwear model and go party in LA. Seriously though, it sucks that you had to go through this, but you’re giving good advice for anyone considering pills. All it’ll accomplish is at best a hellish day after and at worst a hole in your liver. In both cases, laundry day. I hope you can stay safe man.