I’ve done drugs since about the 7th grade, so about 4 years. I first started off with smoking weed, just like everyone else my age, but last year I started doing pills; anything I could really get my hands on: Seroquel, Tramadol, Xanax, Hydrocodone, etc.
I’m an 11th grader now and a teacher or Administrator at my school knows I do drugs and cut myself to cope with all the stuff in my life. She’s obviously been keeping it a secret; I think we would both get in trouble if someone found out she knew. Anyways, she’s been trying to get me to see a drug counselor or someone to help me with what’s going on now. But I kinda don’t want to stop.
A part of me wants to stop because with what’s going on with my mom (she’s trying to leave her boyfriend because he does drugs and is really verbally abusive an sometimes physical abuse when he’s drunk or high, and we don’t have enough money to leave an survive) so I feel like complete SHIT because I spend almost $120 bucks a week on pills.
The other part of me doesn’t want to stop. Pills and cutting are apart of me, it’s what I do. When shit hits the fan that’s what I do to cope. I like the feeling I get when I’m on the pills, I don’t feel an i don’t think about any of the bad stuff. It helps me shut everything out.
I’m not sure what I want to do, she is really caring and she says she loves me a lot and want what’s best for me. I don’t know what to do.
Suggestions? Advice? Comments?
1 comment
I understand about relying on that sort of thing to function. But if you never break out of it, will your life ever get better? How will you break from the rut? I don’t want to sound judging, I honestly dont , but I want to be truthful. Imagine, if you stop now the addiction may all be gone really soon. If you keep putting it off, saying ‘tomorrow’ or ‘next week’ that will be one more day or week or month that you’ll have to go through it. And it can only get worse, you’ll only want more and more and it will be more expensive. But if you break from it now it can be all over. You can put together a real life instead of one hiding with drugs. I believe that you can break from it. Maybe I don’t know you but I know that you can. Hardships will make you a stronger person, and you are strong and you can break from it. I believe in you. Good luck, and if you want to talk I’m right here.