I’ve done drugs since about the 7th grade, so about 4 years. I first started off with smoking weed, just like everyone else my age, but last year I started doing pills; anything I could really get my hands on: Seroquel, Tramadol, Xanax, Hydrocodone, etc.
I’m an 11th grader now and a teacher or Administrator at my school knows I do drugs and cut myself to cope with all the stuff in my life. She’s obviously been keeping it a secret; I think we would both get in trouble if someone found out she knew. Anyways, she’s been trying to get me to see a drug counselor or someone to help me with what’s going on now. But I kinda don’t want to stop.
A part of me wants to stop because with what’s going on with my mom (she’s trying to leave her boyfriend because he does drugs and is really verbally abusive an sometimes physical abuse when he’s drunk or high, and we don’t have enough money to leave an survive) so I feel like complete SHIT because I spend almost $120 bucks a week on pills.
The other part of me doesn’t want to stop. Pills and cutting are apart of me, it’s what I do. When shit hits the fan that’s what I do to cope. I like the feeling I get when I’m on the pills, I don’t feel an i don’t think about any of the bad stuff. It helps me shut everything out.
I’m not sure what I want to do, she is really caring and she says she loves me a lot and want what’s best for me. I don’t know what to do.
Suggestions? Advice? Comments?