Why Do I Feel Needy?

I am so mad at myself that I feel this way! Why should I suffer when most people have it so much worse. I have a family that loves me, a boyfriend that is awesome, and friends that have my back. It’s just that lately my grades have dropped and I worry that I’m not fitting in. I cut like crazy, and I spend most of my time looking at percabeth fanfictions. I think that I might be going insane! My brothers are so much older than me, and they are amazing at everything. I think that it might be too late for me to start the things that I really like doing. I have been hearing that people sometimes don’t get jobs or educations because they don’t get good grades in their junior high’s and high schools. I keep thinking that if I don’t get good grades that my life will be pointless. I already do think that my life is pointless. Hell, I’m a 12 year old cutter that no one thinks would do the things I do. The only reason I cut, is that I think that death is too good for me. I need the strength to kill myself but I don’t know how. I know that this is supposed to be uplifting and like “I survived,” but I really don’t think that I can. Please someone help me! I just need the encouragement that I need to go either direction.