I’m so very tired of things going wrong on my life. It feels like whatever I start to do results for a few moments like I’m reaching my goals and then all of a sudden everything’s wrecked, ruined, destroyed with no possibility of keeping anything good from the journey, because most of all the objects of my passion breaks and only the bad things last. And I don’t want to say goodbye to anything anymore, I am the kind of people that love intensily and keep attached to feelings, like a drug addict I want to live strong feelings, to feell alive, to forget the pain of being alive. But I am not being able of surpass the pain of my last rupture and it’s been 2 years already since we broke up and it doesn’t get any better it doesn’t go away, I’ve been to some other women, then I’ve been with hookers, then I stopped, just don’t feel like being with women were doing any good and now it’s been more than a year since I had my last date and I am not pushing me to be with anyone, but I don’t feel confortable with this situation, I mean, I’ve always been in this hunt, searching for a good companion, a sexy partner, someone to share delightful moments and I had it, in a very special way with my last girlfriend and because of economical problems and a huge fight with my parents that are always trying to control me to keep me at low profile while I’m asking help to get out of this condition to change the game from hunting for money to keep, increase or even just trying not to burn the house down, because of that situation I lost this wonderful woman, and worst I disappointed her by not being able to deliver my fantasies that made her fall in love with me, and also I disappointed myself because I saw it happening, I found the way, I knew what to do, for the first time in my life, I knew what to do, but my parents cut it off, they were too greedy to act they preferred to wait and see everything going down, and then after this when I was so damaged and harmed and lost the will to live, they appeared offering me the world but the time went by and the promises were again empty, and I got to the limit of my savings and I don’t have any psychologic condition to start doing anything. And for all this time, and more if I’m really honest, it’s been so long that I’m facing with these suicidal ideas and several times I’d wished it so hard but never got the guts to end my life.
Can someone, please, point me a way of let those feelings go? Can anybody out there teach me something that makes me stand up in the morning and feel alive?
Please, help me!