This year I was diagnosed with Renal cancer for the 3rd time.In 2005 I lost my left kidney to it.2nd time it showed up in my right kidney and got a botched surgery to remove the tumor. Only thing is this time (the 3rd) it’s spread throughout my body. I will not die of it. I am a nurse and have watched too many people die of this horrid disease and I refuse to let it take me.I do not want my families last memory of me to be that of me lying in a hospital bed,wracked with pain,on so much Morphine I don’t even know I’m alive,while wasting away slowly. I am currently being treated at a very large facility and there is hope for a full cure. But,I have already told my family that if this goes “GLOBAL”(is not cured or gets even worse with no hope of a decent normal life with ultimate death) then I will be taking care of business myself before that happens. They understand.I am writing this not because I’m suicidal,but because I want to live.I have hope,and that is sometimes a bad thing with stuff like this,(seriously… 3 times? Come on!).I am considering ********. I have anti- emetic drugs to use with it but I am having a hard time finding the stuff (just in case I need it). Any help would be appreciated!