People say ‘just give it time, hang in there’ etc but what’s the point? It’s just more time to decompose, for your mind to deteriorate.
10 years ago someone said to me ‘you’re on the cusp of a really great relationship’, now that person is married and I haven’t had one relationship since. If that’s not a sign to slice your throat and let the blood pour out until you’re gone I don’t know what is.
None of my ‘friends’ talk to me anymore, or invite me anywhere, I never go out anywhere. When I texted everyone that I was changing my phone number no one responded. I want to die so much. I don’t know why I haven’t killed myself yet.
My friends want me to kill myself, the world wants me to kill myself, so why shouldn’t I want to kill myself? I’m so ugly. No one’s ever going to love me. All of my ‘friends’ are married and I haven’t been in a relationship since high school.
I’m going to start cutting again, but I won’t hide it. I’ll cut everywhere, even on my face, on my arms, everywhere. I’ll keep cutting until one day I can finally just cut deep enough to let everything out so I won’t be alive anymore, and then it’ll all be gone.
I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this, but I’m sorry.
8 comments
Please don’t hurt yourself. You are not the problem. I can understand the need to cut as a cry to show your pain to the world, but please don’t take it out on yourself. I hope you can treasure yourself. When I don’t treasure myself I always regret it and end up making the wrong choices with lasting consequences. Relationships are difficult, but if we are well we can leave the bad ones behind and make good new ones. If not there must be something deeper, like complex health issues, that are making daily life a struggle?
Thank you Aly, you are so right about not treasuring yourself.
Your comment made a difference.
Hi, I have never been on one of these sites before but I just read your comment and wanted to leave a reply. Cutting although temporarily satisfying is not a long term solution. You are just as important as everyone else on this planet. I am struggling to get over things myself at the minute but I feel that giving in and taking my life would be something I may not be able to forgive if there is something beyond this life. If I could give you any advice it would be to start to love yourself, build up your self worth, set yourself a bucket list and believe there is more to your life than this. At the moment it is so hard to see but maybe in a year’s time you will be able to look back and see the difficulties you faced, seen your inner strength and have found peace and happiness in your life. You will be in my thoughts
Thank you so much for this.
I don’t want you to kill yourself. The point is that some day you might enjoy life. It took my uncle until he was almost forty for him to find his partner, these things take time but are worth it in the end. There’s nothing to be sorry for you’re just being you and that’s completely fine.
Thank you. This helped.
hey. fuck the ugly shit. i agree with you sucks to be ugly, but it doesn’t need to rule your life. I’m ugly as all hell and here I am, at the edge of a relationship with a person I love and could kick my ass in a beauty competition any day. I just fight on. I used to care about the terrible acne I have. Now i just pop the damn things and wash my face. It’s a lot easier to just tell people and society to go fuck itself with all of the beauty and stuff.
you were so right!!