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I am 18 years old im not posting this for any other reason than to just do it, my lifes not always been easy but its not always been hard either ill admit that however all my life I’ve had bi polar schizophrenia I didn’t know about this till very recently and well my familys abandoned me they lied threw me out hell my moms a special ed teacher and well I never knew how hard this was going to be but I tried to commit suicide when I was 16 I rehabilitated and focused on positives it was ok till I was thrown out 5 months ago 2 weeks before Christmas I’ve stayed with a friend and feel like a burden financially its nearly impossible to get a job because I have no means of transportation I play bass in a punk band and even that’s lost its appeal I’ve lost all my friends I don’t leave the house Ive become so depressed and cant do anything about it I cant apply for financial services because you have to be 21 I feel hurt and abandoned most of the people I loved hate me I’ve become an anecdote and a joke I desperately need peace in life something I’ve never found even though I’ve loved I’ve never been truly satisfied and feel shame and guilty, even lied about myself just to keep the one I love around just to lose her I feel alone and trapped and im truly ready to end it im aware some may have It harder than me but no education and experience and being homeless with nothing is impossible for me to handle even my band mates rarely speak to me we play shows often but its lost its soul im ready to die and find peace where I can be happy or loved the way I need to be this probably sounds childish maybe it is I didn’t come here to be told don’t do it the only reason im writing this now is because im afraid it’ll hurt or that ill die alone I mean I truly believe my death will not effect anyone because me being alive certainly doesn’t I have nothing and nowhere to go so these may be my last words my email is treekoke@live.com if ANYONE I MEAN ANYONE can help me before I make this choice or before I go comfort me id appreciate it im just hurt and sad and lonely and ready to end it all


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Pretend Girl 6/1/2015 - 8:29 am

(See my message below… this info is more important. There IS hope. Keep going!

BoysTown 800-448-3000

I just looked up information for Boystown. They have a hotline that you can call. The lady (when I called for info there) told me they have over 20,000 referrals for all kinds of help. They will talk with you, listen to you and try to find you help, maybe even financial help… I don’t know what she meant by that. Tell them all your needs, ask about housing, college help, etc… you can do it. This is the dark before the dawn.

Take care of YOU. You are worth more than dying now. Please know that.

I don’t want you to do it. I won’t tell you what to do. It’s just that hurting you further when all that has happened to you is adding pain, not taking it away. It sounds like you’ve gone through so much with little help. I can understand your frustration. I’ve wanted to die too. I just slept 20 hours to keep from facing my life. I hear you, I’m there too.

If you give up, there is zero chance to surviving. If you keep going, you have at the very least, 1 % chance. More if you search for help.

First, there is help for

Darien 6/1/2015 - 9:23 am

Going through life alone is hard, but it’s not impossible… Some people struggle like you and others get an easy access card. Life just isn’t fair but we have to make with what we have. As long as you’ve got a home then your not homeless. They love you enough to let you stay there and put up with you(: (that part is suppose to make you giggle, tehe) Just keep looking up, because looking down will just cause you to fall more often.. And who likes to fall?

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