“..lying awake in bed feeling the spot on my chest
where you used to
where you used to rest your head…”
– Being as an Ocean
The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget
This song kills me every time. It was ours. It was one of our many. This was our band. right up there with Trophy Scars. Why did i give you so much of myself? How could I still love you after all of the hell you’ve put me through? You’re irreplaceable. I just want you to know that. The thought of you still tears me apart. It still breaks my heart. You still hold my very being in your hands and im trying so fucking hard to take it back, but it hurts. I feel so fucking empty without you and even now, as im typing this, im in tears and i keep looking at my phone thinking maybe you’ll have a change of heart and text or call, but i know damn well that wont happen because you never gave a fuck, but i keep building myself up and for what? so i can come crashing back down. you kept me stable. you chase away the monsters that dared to haunt my mind and silenced the voices that constantly called to me. I dont know if i miss you or the peace that you gave me, but im falling apart. Im a fucking disaster. damaged goods. How the hell can i expect anyone else to ever love me when i have nothing left to offer? I gave it all to you.. I put it all in your hands. I put it all in that box where i kept our notes and letters and your ring. i put it all in the days we spent in your bedroom floor listening to music and laughing. i put it all in those moment that i spent in your arms praying that it would never end. and i fucking left it there. i just fucking left it. Will someone please tell me how to put my heart back together because i would kill to trust someone enough to give it away again…
“that love has kissed our lips
that love has touched our eyes
and no matter how sincere
love has changed our lives
and even if all love has flown
we’ll have a few scars to proudly show
cause at the end of our lives
we can say ‘at least we tried'”
21 comments
Really powerful song from a powerful band. I love them and especially that tune.
It really is beatiful. Love them.
Ikr, the vocalist can convey soo much emotion with his voice it’s pretty insane, he has a really wide range, really unique sounding that’s why I love them.
btw too I really relate with your story, I know what it’s like to lose a loved one and feel unrequited feelings. It fucking sucks. *hugs*
It really does. I feel so pathetic. Really need a hug. Haha thanks.
I didn’t realize how broken love left me until a post or two of yours ago. I don’t know if its comical or tragic how I relate to you. Still, at least to me, you seem to be positive about love. I envy you. “Will someone please tell me how to put my heart back together because i would kill to trust someone enough to give it away again…” Maybe it’s because I have a “high” stress job. I’m not even sure it exists anymore. Love, my heart, left me broken. Pathetic, but I wish I didn’t have so much to offer. Anyway, while I may be beyond hope… I don’t think you are. (funny how that always seems to be the case. Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way! Your awesome! Well, me? It’s different… HAHA). At the very least, you have enriched this soul.
You’re heart will feel safe and warm. Don’t have to give it away to accomplish that.. That’s not what love is (but I know what you mean). Just be you! The lucky right person (male or female, gender is irrelevant) will see that.
(Fearing he made no sense and dug a deeper hole) -Ceph
Ceph, you always find a way to make me feel a little better. You didn’t dig a deeper hole. I prefer men, but what the hell. Stranger things have happened. Haha I’m not opposed to women at this point.
I’ll risk sounding cliche here.
Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way! You’re awesome! 🙂 and thanks.
I hope you know I am only an “honorary” member of the salt fan girl club. I say this due to your “strange things have happened”. Just wanted to clarify that I am, in-fact male and “straight”. Doesn’t mean I didn’t swoon at salt’s throaty voice :P.
A different time… A different place… It would have been magniflorious.
Lol I don’t even know what to say to that. I just forgot how to breathe for a second.
Hahaha hey wait, does this mean you’ll be sending back your fangirl club tube top & pushup bra??
No matter, that’s one extra set for me to parade around in while no one’s watching. Damn did I say that out loud
This literally made me cry. This is my life. Two months without him is so fckn hard. My sanity is gone without em.
Almost 2 years and I’m still a disaster. Hope you have better luck.
wow two years. sorry to hear that. makes my one year seem so irrelevant
No, req. nothing about your situation is irrelevant. Either way, it hurts like hell. I hope it gets easier for you. Don’t let my ramblings make your struggles feel any less significant.
i appreciate that. actually from the posts ive read by you they make my situation feel alot less lonesome. theres a way you describe your feelings that only the heartbroken could understand.
I’m glad you don’t feel so alone. It sucks to go through this by yourself. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
Wow Sammi, even when you’re writing a regular post it comes out like a perfect poem. Those lines really cut to the truth of love (or as the case may be, getting your favorite internal organs ripped out and danced upon to the tune of La Cucaracha which, some have said, is what love really is).
I’m so sad that you’re going through this hell. But at the same time it proves what an exceptional person you are. From what I gather in your posts, he didn’t wait long before moving on, and that tells me he’s one of those people who doesn’t really know the value of love or even how to feel it. While you on the other hand indulged in love to the point that 2 years later you’re still reeling. That says a lot about you. And I think your misery proves that you still have the capacity to love again.
I think it’ll take an equally exceptional person to match that. But jeez louise, when you find him–when you find the person that you *thought* your ex was but wasn’t–it’s going to be amazing 🙂
Salt, you have a very familiar way of speaking. You remind me of someone, though I can’t quite put my finger on who.
When I love, I do so with a passion that has always gone unmatched. I just don’t know if I will ever let myself get so attached to someone again. It doesn’t seem worth it to me. I would rather just find a likeminded friend and build a stable life so I’m not alone. That’s all I really want, but even that is too much to ask.
Ha I’m sure we knew each other in a past life 🙂 I haven’t really gotten close to many people in this life, but sometimes I sense that familiarity you’re talking about. Actually I have a theory that there are only about a dozen souls in the universe, and each of us is a different fragment. So when we meet someone we are instantly in tune with, maybe it’s just that we are meeting up with another fragment of the same soul. …Which makes the prospect of finding like-minded souls much more viable than finding that “1 perfect soulmate out of 7 billion”.
So I think you’ve got a good plan. Maybe we don’t have to give our hearts away in order to find a stable life. If there is a lesson in all of this, maybe that’s it?
Oh the feels. Got me right in the heart… Or head.. Or both. I like that theory. I’d take that over my own, actually. You, sir, have just discovered the secret to life after heartbreak. Congratulations.
w00t!!! I fixed the broken Sammi! Or at least stopped the bleeding for a minute 😀